How to get a free catalogue

So I went to the glass supplies place with the other students. We are told if possible get a catalogue 'cos it's full of useful stuff. Of course I also know places are loathe to give them away as they are expensive to print.

So we looked at the glass. Then we went outside to look at the broken pieces which are a lot cheaper, as, well, they're broken. As I'm picking up pieces I get a sharp one that cuts my finger painfully. Ouch!

Manly, I try and ignore it as if I think about it I will faint. We go back inside, and the other students are done. Spend £7 & £14. No free catalogues for them! But I want tools. So I pick up a catalogue, flick to the tool page and ask have you got one of those?

Tools are supplied and I give the man £60. I go to put the catalogue back, and he says no mate, you can keep it. Yay! I must have used all my powers of charm!

Er, no. It's only when I get home and am flicking thru my prize I realise there are bloody fingerprints all over the cover. Ooops. So that's my hot tip of the day, add your dna and people won't want it back...

I am your density

I mean, your destiny.

Hot date today with (count 'em) two ladies. Well, that was the 'ha ha' description....

Reality is I'm off to the stained glass supply place with the two ladies from the course so I can hide behind them, as the glass place has a reputation for not actually wanting to sell you things. Safety in numbers and all that.

Confidence is low. Repeat confidence is low. But who knows, it may be fun, and I suspect I will spend mucho money, and gain glassy things.

**********

In other news, a friend's facebook thing has a link to a test. A test for "find out how autistic like you are". Maybe I shouldn't have taken it.

Average result is 16 out of 50. Above 32 is quite likely you are at least a soupcon fruitloop.

I got 35. Go me! At least now you know what to get me for xmas, 10 rolls of rubber wallpaper will do nicely.

Burning money

The Idiot Girl easy way. A brief and concise guide to cash loss that anyone can follow no matter how stupid.

Step 1) Buy a house you don't like. It's a good idea to get one that nobody in their right mind will ever want to buy for the later stages of this plan. Cost: £68,500

Step 2) Spend £4000 of other people's money on the house that you don't like. Move in. Wait 2 weeks. Declare you hate it and are moving out.

Step 3) Attempt to sell the thing. Fail miserably because you can't find a bigger idiot than yourself to buy it.

step 4) Keep dropping the price until eventually somebody does buy it. For £50,500.

Voila! Ignoring the costs of moving in/out, solicitors, interest and all the other stuff you've just managed to lose >£22,000 in 23 months.

But wait! You could also look at that you put £20,000 of your own money in to buy it, £4,000 in changes, and still owe the bank £15,000 after you've sold it. £39,000 loss sounds a lot more impressive, non?

At this point, you may be wondering why I care?
It's to do with the slight problem of the £15,000 left owing. Given she doesn't have a handful of magic beans left, I know where the £15 K is coming from. Ma Ma will be paying it, like Ma Ma paid the £4k of alterations.

No, I'm not bothered that technically I would eventually inherit half of that, and I can't if idiot girl has already spent it. I'm bothered that idiot girl's me me me attitude has put a quite sizeable dent in Ma Ma's life savings.
We all make mistakes now and then, but some of us have the backbone to live with those mistakes and not expect other people to bail them out all the time.

And relax......

On resisting the urge

to #### thru a letterbox.

As Mr. S.. Duck observes, it's the only language curs understand.

I am rather annoyed. As you may know the day job is selling stuff on ebay. I sold 2 x rubber ducks to a git, who then left neutral feedback "packaging damaged". I know this is impossible, as they are packaged to the point where they pass my own rigerous test program of throwing the box out of an upstairs window.

But then today I find he's also left 4 x 1 star for everything. Including dispatch time. 1 out of 5 for an item posted the same bloody day. Light bulb goes on, it's obviously some twonk out to cause me to lose my top rated seller rating. The other clue is he's bought 7 things off assorted sellers, and all 7 have damaged packaging. Mr unlucky or what?

So phone ebay, who tell me they're not going to do anything, as they can't see anything remotely dodgy, and it's not in any way connected with the £50 a month discount I will (potentially) lose.... Another one for the letter box treatment I think.

AND RELAX.

On the plus side I went to stained glass class, and my latest project is coming on nicely. It may even get finished next week. Woo yay me!
I can also feel a level of clever as in 5 weeks I'm the only one not to cut myself yet.

It's very surprising how much I'm enjoying it, and even more how I can do it considering I'm a left handed fool. I'm miles ahead of Sue who's special skill appears to be randomly breaking things.

Wild horses

Lazy blogging day again. How time flies!

I bring to you:
The Sundays - Wild Horses



This is of course a cover of Teh Rolling Stones.

As used in Buffy the vampire slayer, episode 3:20. Sod off Angel....

My least favourite cover of this song is the Susan Boyle one. It's pants.

Er, that's all I can think of. Sleep now.

C'riz, camera, action!

As we've become a surveillance society, I thought it's time I got in on the act. To do my bit in spying on my fellow citizens I have added a video camera to my car windscreen.

In theory it would also be rather useful if some twonk manages to drive into me as well, assuming the windscreen doesn't fall out and the device gets lost.

I've had it for a week now, and have got my first moron captured. Plz to observe below:



Said 'gent' is failing to spot the bends, big truck about to squash him etc 'cos not only is he using a mobile phone at 70 mph, he's using it by texting. (As spotted by my passenger when I finally got round him).

Later I nearly got to play squash the corsa when she suddenly slowed to 40 mph for no apparent reason. Again on overtaking it became clear, she was eating lunch from a box on the passenger seat.

What is it with people today? I am only glad that I drive a large 4x4 where they get to be my crumple zone.

Men are from Mars

Women are from Venus.
Idiot Girl is from Ceti Alpha V* methinks.

Background:
Boy meets girl. Alcohol is involved, and they pledge undying lurve. Idiot girl marries Twonko for the rest of time.

Except... fast forwards to almost two years ago, and Idiot Girl is not happy. The root of the problem is they are both selfish people who are only interested in themselves, and all they ever had in common was a love of getting totally wasted. And they don't do that any more. Idiot Girl wants OUT.

Twonko buys Idiot Girl out of his life, and she goes off, buys new houses(s), does other random stupid things, and we come to now.

Idiot Girl finds out that Twonko now has a new woman in his life. And she's totally devastated by this. Full on crying / no sleeping / drunkeness / destroy things.

This is the point where not being a) a woman, or b) insane I am failing to understand exactly what the problem is. Idiot Girl wanted OUT! Idiot Girl got what she wanted... Twonko is the inhabitant of Dumpsville, population you.

So, er, why is she remotely unhappy? Did she expect him to spend the rest of his life tying to "win her back"? I'm honest failing to understand how when she's got exactly what she wanted, what the problem is?

Answers on a postcard.

*2 geek points if you can name another Ceti Alpha V ex-resident?

And I would go 200 miles

It's like that 500 miles song, but 300 miles shorter. And a bit less Scottish.

So today I went to the model engineering exhibition. Which normally results in me spending a few hundred quid on tools, engineering purposes for. As I buy things that are a) half the time a real bargain (£50 taps for £2), or b) may be useful one day (a selection of neoprene rubber).

But today was different. In the region of bugger all engineering things. I only spent £50 ish on drills & glue. I feel a change coming over me, as the thing that sparked excitement was this:



This, in case you are wondering, is "twizzle wire". It has nothing at all to do with engineering. But it's pretty, non? And it will work brilliantly with the thing I'm currently working on in stained glass.

Who knows, next it could be medieval underwater basket weaving.

Thanks Courage Wolf

So I consulted Courage Wolf on faceache:

YOU ARE AWESOME. GO AND PROVE IT.

Ok, I will.
I have returned from a night at big scary cinema in the big scary city. Made extra scary by the fact that I'd failed to take into account that it's Wednesday. It's very busy, and people are waving mobile phones about. I then realise they're claiming two tickets for the price of one with orange. Oh dear.

I eventually make it to the front of the queue.
The nice man asks what film would I like to see? Back to the future SVP.
And how many tickets do I want? Er, one?

He gives me a pitying look that says a) you're on a crap phone network, or b) you don't have friends. Actually it's c) All of the above.

Ok, challenge uno over. Next: a drink. I would like to purchase a small diet coke plz.... £3.00 she says, while simultaneously handing me a container that has at least a litre of caffeine overload in it. Good job I didn't ask for large.

I make my way to the cinema. As expected (I've never been here before) it's the modern multiplex small room thing. It's moderately full. I pick an empty spot over towards the right somewhere half way back.

I then make an observation. Right in the middle of the prime seating bit there is a girl on her own. Really on her own, she has the entire row. This is very odd. I can only come up with the reasons that a) crazy loners are scary to normal people or b) she is attractive, and people don't want to get too close in case her thug of a boyfriend is going to turn up at any minute and be a pita.

It continues to fill up, and people arrive around me. I must admit this is a cause of anxiety, especially when one of them manages to pour beer everywhere. But I don't run screaming into the night, so this has to be a good thing.

Film starts. 88 miles per hour! Great Scott! My name is Darth Vader! Earth angel.... etc.
Film ends.

If you do get a chance to go see this at the cinema, tis worth it. It looks gorgeous. N yes, yet another version be coming to dvd and bluray near you...

**************

Not sure if I managed the prove you are awesome bit. But it went better than I expected, and I didn't need to cheat at any point. I so need to add a friend to the mix though. Friends wanted, apply to the gimp in the corner.

Yay Day.

So tis Friday. Aka stained glass class day.

And I'm all excited, as I have a secret weapon that will make everyone say 'That C'riz is awesome, and we are jealous of his cleverness and big head".

We be going to make something from a pattern today. I've made my own, and due to being a) nerd b) left handed fool, c) having the technology I drew it on my computer and then cut it out on sticky backed vinyl on my er, vinyl cutter machine.

So while the normal people are cutting out bits of cardboard and glueing them on I can just peel and stick my vinyl. Great plan!

Great plan that doesn't quite work. As in there's me and the teacher there (who tells me that's how pros do it), but no other students to impress with my big head.

It is rather worrying actually, as there are three students total. The other two are friends, Sue and Marilyn. Sue be on holiday this week, so it would appear Marilyn hasn't turned up 'cos of this. Next week the reverse is true. Oh well, I get to be two weeks in front of them then.

It was still fun as I got to make things, and didn't get glass stuck in my fingers once. No photo as it's nowhere near finished yet. Yay!

Say hello, wave goodbye

I was reading some blurb on the bbc news website about http://www.rentafriend.com/

Hmmmm. Join the website, and you can then pay people to be friends with you. Sounds awful. But at the same time is attractive when you're a gimp like me who has spare money and a lack of (real life) friends. Meet new people, do exciting new things.

Of course I won't join it, as it would be too dangerous. In a way I imagine it's like drugs or prostitution, I can see that if I got involved it could easily spiral out of control and ruin my life. Friends that want to do whatever you would like, when you like, where you like. It's big and scary when you're used to "friends" that want their pc fixed and then you don't hear from for weeks until next time you're useful.

Lazy blogging time. Yet another one I've not heard for ages, but appeared on the radio. Wednesday night is 80's night, and they play some classic stuff.

I bring to you:
Soft Cell - Say hello, wave goodbye.



I never knew you, you never knew me... say hello, wave goodbye. Electric spine tingling stuff. Unless you're a jellyfish.

Excitement. Adventure.

Or a close approximation.
I went to the stained glass course. And it was almost fun!

First the nice lady told us this is a stick of lead solder, and all about how it may not do you a lot of good, but it prolly won't kill you if wear gloves when handling and be careful. Pffft! thinks I. I care not a jot about a mere bit of potential lead poisoning. I'm exposed to so many toxic things on a daily basis that I'm sure to be dead by 60. So who cares if it becomes 59 instead?

I then proceeded to do the lead melting and tinning my copper foil thing. I had a slight advantage over the other students, as in my day job burning the hell out of my fingers is a common occurrence. So while they're going ow! and dropping things I just ignore the pain and carefully put my stuff down.

Next task is to stick the component parts together. Which I do, but my parts don't actually look that good. Should have taken more care in the drawing part of the game earlier.

But I've made something. Me! Me, who doesn't do craft things due to being flid handed. Yay! I'm almost pleased.

Self control

Ok, who stole this week?

I've been chasing trying to catch up with work, not made it and now another week's gone as well. Urgh.

Oh well. Onto the lazy blogging.
I bring to you:
Laura Branigan - Self Control



Poor dead Laura Branigan. Brain aneurysm trivia fans. Not very rock n roll, but a death I'd go for as long as I was one of the lucky ones who gets no symptoms other than suddenly being very deado. I wouldn't be that lucky though.

Er, moving on from death.... I've always been a big fan of this track. The video is pants (phantom of the opera...? Que?), but it's a 7 inch I could (and did) play again n again. 1984.. a very good vintage year.

skerrrrKKKKKK

That's the sound of me cutting glass. Though thinking about it I'm missing out on the chance for a lazy blog of a certain Nick Lowe song.

Yes, dear reader, I made it to the stained glass class. And it went surprisingly well! Apart from the bits that didn't work.

Class starts at 12:15pm, so I strolled in the door at 12:10. To find lots of people packing up sheets of glass and walking out. Did I miss it? Confusion reigns, until I find out these are the "advanced" class and they're going home.

I then discover beginners class has a grand total of 3 people on it. Moi & 2 peeps who are friends. Hmmm, no need to be embarrassed in front of lots of people then. But also lots of attention as there be not many people to put the spotlight on. Despite only having to remember 3 names I struggle.

Within 5 minutes the class becomes very hands on. Here's a cutter, here's a chunk of glass, watch this then you have a go. Surprisingly I'm not that bad at at. Possibly because I'm too busy being scared of the people to have any fear left for cuts, glass exploding into shards and other related fears.

It then went a bit silly. Here is a rectangle of glass. Draw a leaf shape on it, and then cut it out like this. I am sinister, so picked up the pen and drew a really wonky awful leaf. I can't draw to save my life. But swap the pen for a glass cutter, and I can follow my wonky line perfectly. The only way I can rationalise it is I've spent many years following lines cutting things out on metal, but no years drawing 'cos I know I'm no good at it.

I also did well on using the grinder, especially after mrs. Teacher demonstrates that its' not possible to grind your fingers with it. I've very used to using grinders that will take your fingerprints off in about 0.7 seconds so this was easy!

All in all, it was quite good fun! And I'm making things, and almost interacting. Yay me!

********
Of course there has to be rain after sun. This is the way of life.... till the world be done...

Sunday is "my" car club's annual show. I turn up, do nothing, talk to no one, mooch around for hours and promptly bugger off home again. I think it's time to admit failure on this one and stop going. Especially as I've not had the right kind of car for 4 years now. EPIC FAIL...

There can be

no understanding between the hands and the brain unless the heart acts as mediator.

There! I've just spoiled metropolis for you. For that be the climax of the film. However, as they put this in the opening credits you wouldn't be spoiled for long if you didn't know, like.

Rewind back to the start, and my adventures in knowing this. Aka wipe off the rabid foam and start again.

Step 1) Walk to town. Slowly, carefully, not panicking and running. Score 7 /10.

2) A return train ticket to teh big scary city plz my man... Followed 35 seconds later by the same man announcing the train is delayed. Bugger. Engage checking watch every 23 seconds. Score 3 /10.

3) Arrive in BSC. I can see the cinema from train station. No need to panic about finding it then.. Engage in "bigging up" I can do this thoughts.
Walk inside, and find my confidence has gone on a skiing holiday at short notice. Fortunately retained enough control not to run away. Pretend to read poster on wall while I get it back together.
Fall back on plan B... Wait for another punter to arrive, and follow them. Thus you know what the expected interaction is before you have to er, interact it. Ok, it's a cop out, but better than running. Score 4 /10.

4) Go to cinema 3. Which contains 10 people. Threat level, minimal. I could almost blend in with said persons. As they be not talking this is very easy. Study cinema. Despite it's arthouse "upmarket" image (All members of staff have a fine museum curator grade beard), it's seen better days. You would think at £3.50 for a small bottle of beer they could afford some paint. Good job I don't drink.

2pm. Trailers start. For arty nonsense I won't be seeing.
2:20pm. Film starts. I've seen said film before, but the quality of said 'new' version is unbelievable. Except they've left the 'extra' 25 minutes of additional footage in "unrestored" condition, to give you a clue where the extra bits are. It must be said I didn't think they added that much. Certainly not the miracle transformation the hype promises.
4:5opm. Film ends. No intermission. No ice cream. Arthouse sucks! I feel the urge to visit the little boys room fast.

I did have a vague notion that possibly I could talk to other people about the said film we had just collectively viewed. I have carefully formulated a viewpoint. Sadly this does not occur as everyone else runs for the toilet, and you can't discuss film while doing so.

5:20pm. Share small space with my fellow man on yet another late crowded train. Teh end...

***************
So I could have done better.... but I could have done worse.

There is of course a much bigger test for Friday. Friday being day 1) of the beginners stained glass course. Terror at defcon 1... interact with people, and do arty things simultaneously. Genius or insanity awaits!

Here I go again

I's not done the blog thing this week. Nothing remotely exciting happening.

But Thursday will be fun. Last chance to see metropolis. I've been 50% putting it off 'cos I'm scared and 50% 'cos the annoying work has got in the way. But I'm going to do it, I'm resolved, so sure that counts for something? Maybe a little? 1/2 a point?

Anyway, on with the lazy blogging:

Whitesnake - here I go again.


I'm sure you'll agree, one of the finer big hair moments of the 80's... If I had big hair, and could actually play guitar I'd want to be one of these guys. Get off my jag though luv!

We have a winner

it's me. Woo. Yay.

Cheque this morning for £25 from premium bonds.

However this does not count as a win in the "I want to win something" scheme of things, as to win the £25 I have £3000 'invested' in premium bonds. And to be a legitimate win it must cost me nothing.

Still, a better start to the day than most.

Waste

of a week. Mostly thanks to Idiot Girl.

Monday was lost to the whole 'no water in car' incident.

Tuesday she can't possibly have the car looked at 'cos she's so busy at work, and can't take my car on Tuesday. She must make a good impression at work 'cos they're 'downsizing' and she doesn't want to be the one to take a bullet in 'Nam. That would be why she turns up here at 3:30 pm.
Er, what happened to the working hard, big meeting thing?
"I told them to F*** off."
Nice. Well done IG. They're sure to decide you're essential staff.

Wednesday IG graciously decides she can do without her (potential grenade) car for 1.5 hours, so I can get up 4 hours early and take it to the garage, but must return it before it turns into a pumpkin. Garage can't find the fault in the time available.

So now I'm a) tired, and b) behind on my own work. Fortunately I can slightly change my plans, and put my goals on hold.
Cinema trip can be postponed as said film has gained an extra weeks run. Otherwise it would have been a choice between the job & improving teh mentals, and job would have won.

Lazy blogging time:
Strawberry Switchblade - Jolene


Null points for knowing who this is a cover of.

They are of course perhaps better known for "since yesterday". But I like this one, so am inflicting it on you.

If you're really bored find the 12" of "since yesterday". It's very funky.

It's a test

designed to provoke an emotional response spot the idiots.

Or an idiot girl story.

IG has a car. A faulty car. There is a leak on the engine coolant, so you have to keep adding more water every week or you will kill it. (Because she's too tight to have it fixed).

Today IG comes out of the house, hello flowers, hello trees, chizz chizz. Opens the bonnet and pours in the water. 0.7 seconds later the very same water appears underneath the car on the floor. Confused IG adds even more water with the same result.

Pretend you are IG (It's permissible to hit yourself round the head several times with a heavy object).

Do you:
a) Carefully take note of where the leak is. Put the keys back, walk 200 yards to my house and borrow my car?
or
b) Close the bonnet. Drive to work with no water in the car engine?

I'm sorry, but there is no prize for guessing she chose option b).

I am informed of this shortly afterwards, so phone her. IG, pour as much water in as you can and come home very carefully, and take my car or you will kill it. IG thanks me by pouring forth a torrent of abuse and obscenities. She cannot do that and must drive it 50 miles today and if it blows up it does.

Eventually I manage to convince the genius not to be so sodding stupid. The entertainment doesn't end though, as on her return it no longer leaks. A magic leak. So I do the only thing possible, and book it in the garage for professionals to check it and fix it. Of course I'm wrong to do so as she needs to drive 300 miles that day and can't drive my car, she wants to blow up her car 150 miles from home.

*sigh* Why do I even bother?

Lion face. Lemon Face.

Plz to observe:


Oh look, I've filled big bits of the screen already. Now to yap about the weekend.

Lion face: hah!
Or the things that I got right.

I'm signed up to the "stained glass beginners" course. I went to enrolment (avec Ma Ma), but did it myself. "Ma Ma, sit there and don't say anything unless I've been stuck in handling it for five full minutes."

It was easy...
Tell me about this course plz?
It's a beginners course in stained glass on Fridays. Er, that's all I know. Do you want to do it?
Ok.
Fill in this form.

So maybe I should have tried a bit harder in getting more information, but a) it only cost £5 and b) the course itself isn't important. It's the terror of going and interacting with people.

Lemon face: oooh!
The fail bits.

Empowered by the sign up process, I took Ma Ma, and we went to the heritage open day at the forge. I last went there about 15 years ago, so should be interesting to see what's changed. Answer, not a lot. Methinks they just don't have the money.

The fail is, Ma Ma took over. I'm supposed to be interacting, and do not as she answers the questions before I've had time to think. True, I should have perhaps devised a subtle signal for her to shut the hell up, but I'd have thought earlier talk about being on a quest to interact and let me do it would have been remembered. Could have been worse.

So now I've "just" got the cinema challenge to do this week. Then I can either give up as a total failure, or start thinking of more terror challenges. I'm almost optimistic. Well, as close as I get to.