Frozen doom

It's a warm -2 celsius tonight. Warm as for some reason the day was minus 3. Explain me that weather people.

Doom, as once again idiot girl's car is in for fixing. Fixed 2 days, so she breaks it good this time. The clutch pedal does nothing other than make extra grindy noises from the engine direction. So had to grab a mate and have it towed in for fixing.

Which means IG will be borrowing my car. Again with terror turned up to eleven. Frozen = ice patches plus it keeps snowing X IG stupid factor = I will be lucky if she doesn't stuff it thru a wall, or work her magic car killing skills on it.

The mechanic also did the world famous sucking air thru teeth noises, which is the internationally recognised method of telling you it's "gonna cost ya mate!". He also said be lucky to get it back this week as removing the gearbox is step 1) remove car. Step 2) you now have the gearbox left.

Plz to cross some digits for me.

Technology

My pc died earlier this week. So I'm on my 6 month old windows 7 laptop. It is hellish.

Being professionally cheap, I have an ancient deskjet 690c for a printer. This is because I print a lot of invoices etc for evilbay. Lots of printing = lots of ink, but 5 year out of date printer carts cost about £1.50 each. So I spend < £10 a year on ink.

Alll well and good, but modern computers only have usb ports. Ye olde HP is a proper LPT1 parallel port only printer. So I've had to use my other laptop to print. The one that is 200 mhz, and struggles to handle modern bloated webpages. It's been awful. 3 minutes each time to get to the point where I can print.

So I bought a USB to parallel magic converter thing. Use your old printer it says on the box. And you can.... If you don't mind it taking 5 minutes per page for it to transfer. You can almost hear the printer going "come on... give me more data to print you ####".

It's only taken me all week to think of it, but I now have the answer. Machine a) can print, but crap at rendering interweb. Machine b) is the opposite. Share the printer over the network,and each machine can do the part it's good at. Success!

I can't help thinking it would be a lot easier if new pc's still had lots of real ports...

***************
In other news, I have my car back from Idiot Girl, without any damage. yay! Fortunately the snow hasn't really reached here yet.

Everything crossed

Today I am loaning Idiot Girl my car while hers has water leak #3 hopefully fixed.
The weather is also forecast to include snow.

Thus I have everything crossed that I get my car back before the snow gets here. Yes it's a 4x4, but in IG's case this is a bad thing. 4x4 = goes better. Does not equal stops any better. IG isn't known for forwards planning so will think about the stop part when she needs to.

As it be lazy blogging day I give to you:
duran duran - girls on film (NSFW)



I remember seeing this version once the first time round at like, er, 3am. It was so close to pRon back then! Outrage! Ban this sick filth! And all that.

On lost friends

Monday was teh Misty's birthday. As is obvious by the lack of blog posts, she's given up blogging. But I left a "happy birthday" comment to her last abandoned post just in case she ever comes back. A bit like the gold record stuck on the voyager space probes, hopeful but probably futile. (And could result in the destruction of the earth by hostile alien forces)

I note nobody else commented, so I suspect that means I'm the only one stupid enough to keep track of dates relating to people who have moved on. I just hope she wasn't expecting peeps to comment, and then when they don't is upset by it.

I may also have done the snail mail present thing. Though when I think about it more perhaps I shouldn't have. Tis obvious she's not friends with me any more, and including a note that may have said between the lines "Oi Tina, stop wasting your bloody life and do something useful instead" may not have been the kindest thing to do.

Of course the real problem is I can over do it on playing the empathy game... I can think of several reasons why she's vanished, and how she could be feeling now. I hope she's blissfully happy watching tv, smoking and drinking lidl's cheapest industrial alcohol pretending to be wine every day. But I doubt it.

Busted

Or how Idiot Girl isn't quite as smart as she thinks.

Ma Ma arrives home from a shopping trauma trip with IG. Bad news! There is another problem with IG's car, the heater is now broken!!!!

Broken, how broken?

As in no hot air comes out of it, duh!

Elementary dear Watson. IG still has a leak on her vehicle (#3 if you#re counting). IG doesn't care. Ergo there is no water left to heat, and no heat is thus transferred to the interior of the car. To IG's, where we will confirm my hypothesis!

Sadly Ma Ma spoils my fun by phoning IG first and telling her my theory. We arrive to find IG with a fine manure eating grin on her face. You are wrong diddly wrong, for look! the car engine is full of water!

O reily? says the owl that happens to be passing by.

1) Why is the water in the expansion tank clear water coloured, and not very green with the green dye that is in the coolant system?

2) Why when I put my finger in it is it stone cold when the engine is hot?

You've filled it up after being tipped off by Ma Ma, and I will prove this now. Started engine, 15 seconds later it's green coolant, not clear water. Busted.....

Sorted for E's and whizz

So I did some thinking following yesterday's Wah! I can't see pulp post.

Thoughts included "I never do anything spontaneous that I want to", "I've never seen anyone I like live", "shoulda woulda coulda are the last words of a fool".

Upshot is, I've been on that there interwebs and observed pulp are also doing the wireless festival for a mere £55 a ticket. Tis in that there London. In happier times I may have asked teh Misty if she wants a day out. But those days are gone gone gone (woh ooo).

I don't want to go on my own, and thus have done potentially a very silly thing. Idiot Girl, my favourite (& only) sister, what are you doing next July?

Result: I have booked two tickets. A day out with IG. Must add masochism to my list of mental problems.

She came from Greece

She had a thirst for knowledge. Or so I'm told.

News reaches these parts that pulp are to reform. Woo?

When I was at uni their cd 'different class' was more like a constant background noise. Everywhere you went some student would be playing it. Goes and checks the photo archive....



This be a typical one room student place. In this case, it was Digger's (The girl with the excellent colour coordination skills).

Observe:
a) Jarvis Cocker poster.
b) Assorted student types.
c) Presence of half finished pints in the daytime.

I can hear common people in my head...

Er, where was I? Oh yes, pulp reforms. And it is announced they will be playing the Isle of Wight festival. No , I am not going. For assorted reasons. Bit beyond my powers to go there on my own. Bit beyond my wallet @ £150 a ticket, plus a large chunk of cash to get there, food etc.

Still, nice to dream eh?

On Names

Over the years I've been given several different names. True "oi you" may have featured heavily.

In my uni years I was "the Bettster", due to a sudden fashion of adding "ster" to people's names. (Craigster, Paulster etc. But strangely Biff was given Biffatolah Khomeini for a period).

In recent years I have reinvented myself as C'riz. It's short (less typing), sounds vaguely like my real name, and has a geek connection that I like. It's being my own alternate spelling of C'rizz (pronounced as "Keh-riz") from the big finish eighth doctor audio plays.

I was informed by the tutor on the stained glass course that the person that runs the only glass shoppe in town a) gives students a hard time and b) stupid nicknames. As he has the only glass shoppe it's inevitable you will go there at some point.
I have been twice now, and this week the tutor announced I have a new name. I am "the man who buys everything".

I'm not sure if this is because I have purchased all the basic tools & supplies you need to do the job, or because I purchased 4 kilos of assorted broken glass pieces. Prolly the latter.

But I know my limitations, so why not learn how to do it (aka get it wrong) on the cheapest glass you can get hold of? Having watched Sue basically smash a £6 sheet of glass into small bits by way of not listening to what she's told I'm glad to do it my way. It would hurt to ruin good glass to me.

I've also got a cunning plan, that will make the glass man think I'm totally barking. I noticed as well as the scrap glass, there was a big pile of very small (under 2 inches square) pieces of glass. I'm assuming this is also for sale at similar price to the bigger broken bits. Broken glass sells at £2.50 per kilo. I have observed there is someone selling small broken bits on evilbay successfully at £10 per kilo.
The capitalist in me says 4 X mark up = my glass is free from profits on selling his really small pieces. This time next year Rodney.....

Space bound

Caution: Sweary words.



I have this stuck on earworm to the max.

This bit:
I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles and a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you

without you
without you

Of course rockets have several possible uses. Exploration. The furthering of man's scientific knowledge. Or blowing things up. The Ronny Raygun solution.

Methinks next stained glass project has to be a rocket. It's like a message, or something.

Bullet in 'Nam

Something is happening with the house that Idiot Girl has (provisionally) sold for a huge loss.

Ma Ma went there today to find all the heating has been turned on full. As Idiot Girl is paying for the gas this is not a good thing. Engage Ma Ma wanting taking to the estate agents to retrieve all keys.

Followed by the possibility that someone has acquired a copy of the key. (Estate agents deny it was them). Ma Ma wants the alarm turning on. (Thinking they may have a key, but don't have the alarm code).

Ok... drove her to the house. I'll put the alarm on shall I? Actually no, pass me a gun so I can shoot myself in the head.

Ma Ma starts telling me a really long sequence of numbers you must enter to activate the alarm. Er Ma Ma, it says here on the alarm, "To activate press the full set button".

Ma Ma then goes into a long and rather boring story that Idiot Girl has a dog (true), and the alarm has been reprogrammed so you can deactivate some of the sensors so it won't detect the dog and so you must enter this long sequence to set the mode so it won't detect the dog.

Er... Ma Ma.... The dog is in Idiot Girl's other house... it doesn't live here... there are no dogs at all... ergo you don't have to turn off the sensors that would detect a dog, as you don't have one present to detect.

Ma Ma becomes angry and tells the long dog story again. I explain the absence of dog. Again.

Rinse and repeat a few times.

The alarm is now set, so invisible dogs won't trigger it. I got bored of hitting my head on the wall.

Boom boom

shake the room...

5th of November, 1605. One Guy Fawkes is captured avec large quantities of gunpowder, planned for the opening of parliament, destruction thereof.

The failed plot is celebrated to this day, by the common man showing how he can blow shit up in the comfort of his own yard. Your humble narrator also suggests it likely that at some point it went from celebrating failure to wishful thinking of someone doing it right this time and getting rid of the bloody government.

Of course the house of C'riz had to take part in this ritual. Locally it is traditional to go out and buy some bloody huge industrial grade explosive devices, ignore the label that says spectators must be at least 100 yards away, and set them off 10 foot from your house.

C'riz does not follow this tradition. Instead we buy the ones with the bad engrish labels that technically are safe to use in a small garden. Of course being cheap does not always mean cheerful.

This years highlights where the rockets. Whoosh! Up shoots the rocket. Boo, it didn't go bang! Rocket is overcome by the effects of gravity and comes earthwards.... until it's 10 foot up and it then goes boom!
Hmmm, this is not how things are supposed to work. It could also be described as bloody dangerous. Lateral thinking is engaged, and the launcher tube realigned. They now follow a beautiful parabolic arc, over the fence and explode in next doors garden. The fence shields us from the blast, and we get our own back for the week of demolition next door has undertaken.

After decimating their garden we moved onto more peaceful chinese lanterns. Light the wick, wait and then watch as the paper balloon gracefully floats into the night sky. Bliss.

Lets do another one! Lights lantern, up it goes. We comment on how high they go, really high. Look it must be windy up there as our lantern is rocking fairly violently. Oh dear, the lantern appears to have had a hole burnt in the side. It's coming back down! It's coming back down really fast. That lantern (*cough*, whoever it belongs to) appears to be a flaming ball of fiery death.

The gift of fire is bestowed approx 300 yards away. Fortunately nothing appears to catch fire following 'splashdown', but it was an interesting experiment in ye olde worlde siege weapons.

We now await retribution from persons living nearby.

It's a sin

When I look back upon my life
It's always with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame

Sad face

After the triumphant visit to the glass shoppe, this weekend I decided to set up things in my studio (Sounds better than cleared a bit of space in the garage non?)

Ahead, groove factor five!
Soldering iron plugged in, and work commences on my project. This bit goes well, I don't start any fires or injure myself. I feel good.

I know, lets try cutting some of that funky glass I got from the scrap pile. Pick up cutter, drop cutter on floor, feel the horror as the cutter smashes into two pieces. I feel bad.

Engage sad face. £28 of cutting tool that has cut, er nothing whatsoever is now a broken piece of plastic that is bleeding oil on the floor. The worst part isn't the loss of the money. It's I can't go back and buy another one as they will want to know what happened to the one I bought last week?

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((