There can be

no understanding between the hands and the brain unless the heart acts as mediator.

There! I've just spoiled metropolis for you. For that be the climax of the film. However, as they put this in the opening credits you wouldn't be spoiled for long if you didn't know, like.

Rewind back to the start, and my adventures in knowing this. Aka wipe off the rabid foam and start again.

Step 1) Walk to town. Slowly, carefully, not panicking and running. Score 7 /10.

2) A return train ticket to teh big scary city plz my man... Followed 35 seconds later by the same man announcing the train is delayed. Bugger. Engage checking watch every 23 seconds. Score 3 /10.

3) Arrive in BSC. I can see the cinema from train station. No need to panic about finding it then.. Engage in "bigging up" I can do this thoughts.
Walk inside, and find my confidence has gone on a skiing holiday at short notice. Fortunately retained enough control not to run away. Pretend to read poster on wall while I get it back together.
Fall back on plan B... Wait for another punter to arrive, and follow them. Thus you know what the expected interaction is before you have to er, interact it. Ok, it's a cop out, but better than running. Score 4 /10.

4) Go to cinema 3. Which contains 10 people. Threat level, minimal. I could almost blend in with said persons. As they be not talking this is very easy. Study cinema. Despite it's arthouse "upmarket" image (All members of staff have a fine museum curator grade beard), it's seen better days. You would think at £3.50 for a small bottle of beer they could afford some paint. Good job I don't drink.

2pm. Trailers start. For arty nonsense I won't be seeing.
2:20pm. Film starts. I've seen said film before, but the quality of said 'new' version is unbelievable. Except they've left the 'extra' 25 minutes of additional footage in "unrestored" condition, to give you a clue where the extra bits are. It must be said I didn't think they added that much. Certainly not the miracle transformation the hype promises.
4:5opm. Film ends. No intermission. No ice cream. Arthouse sucks! I feel the urge to visit the little boys room fast.

I did have a vague notion that possibly I could talk to other people about the said film we had just collectively viewed. I have carefully formulated a viewpoint. Sadly this does not occur as everyone else runs for the toilet, and you can't discuss film while doing so.

5:20pm. Share small space with my fellow man on yet another late crowded train. Teh end...

***************
So I could have done better.... but I could have done worse.

There is of course a much bigger test for Friday. Friday being day 1) of the beginners stained glass course. Terror at defcon 1... interact with people, and do arty things simultaneously. Genius or insanity awaits!

Lion face. Lemon Face.

Plz to observe:


Oh look, I've filled big bits of the screen already. Now to yap about the weekend.

Lion face: hah!
Or the things that I got right.

I'm signed up to the "stained glass beginners" course. I went to enrolment (avec Ma Ma), but did it myself. "Ma Ma, sit there and don't say anything unless I've been stuck in handling it for five full minutes."

It was easy...
Tell me about this course plz?
It's a beginners course in stained glass on Fridays. Er, that's all I know. Do you want to do it?
Ok.
Fill in this form.

So maybe I should have tried a bit harder in getting more information, but a) it only cost £5 and b) the course itself isn't important. It's the terror of going and interacting with people.

Lemon face: oooh!
The fail bits.

Empowered by the sign up process, I took Ma Ma, and we went to the heritage open day at the forge. I last went there about 15 years ago, so should be interesting to see what's changed. Answer, not a lot. Methinks they just don't have the money.

The fail is, Ma Ma took over. I'm supposed to be interacting, and do not as she answers the questions before I've had time to think. True, I should have perhaps devised a subtle signal for her to shut the hell up, but I'd have thought earlier talk about being on a quest to interact and let me do it would have been remembered. Could have been worse.

So now I've "just" got the cinema challenge to do this week. Then I can either give up as a total failure, or start thinking of more terror challenges. I'm almost optimistic. Well, as close as I get to.

Adverse reaction

Oh dear. It's worse than I thought.

After planning the 'visit cinema' task, I felt that I should plan some more blood curdling terror human interaction experiences. But what?

Then the free 'newspaper' arrived, and the answer. A leaflet for "family and community" courses. That I can do for £5. I'll do a course! Meet people, learn to hate them, that sort of thing.

But which exciting thing to do? Oh dear... it's a bit of a thin choice list. Sign language, no. Cake decorating, no. Ankle biters, definite no. Stained glasswork? That's different... it'll do. Slight snag, no actual details, just the instruction to pop in and visit our centre for details. Niet problemski, I'm going to town with Ma Ma, it's on the way back.

Wrong. Wrong to N decimal places. Drove back, got to within 200 yards, couldn't do it. Worst panic I've had in 2 years, I just could not go left. Ma Ma makes it worse by asking why we're not going, and I come out with about 5 (rubbish) reasons. She doesn't get the hint that I'm going mentals again, and proceeds to make me feel really awful and pathetic.

Still, full ahead and trust in the Lord. I may have another go at it tomorrow. And if it doesn't work I've got my sights set on another day out interacting on Saturday. I can't fail at everything (I hope).

Challenge C'riz

Preamble: Or recent history of C'riz

As should be fairly obvious, I've got a history of teh mentals. I haz social anxiety disorder.
Or to blag a bit from wikipedia:

Social anxiety disorder is a persistent fear of one or more situations in which the person is exposed to possible scrutiny by others and fears that he or she may do something or act in a way that will be humiliating or embarrassing. It exceeds normal "shyness" as it leads to excessive social avoidance and substantial social or occupational impairment. Feared activities may include almost any type of social interaction, especially small groups, dating, parties, talking to strangers, restaurants, etc. Possible physical symptoms include "mind going blank", fast heartbeat, blushing, stomach ache, nausea and gagging. Cognitive distortions are a hallmark, and learned about in CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy). Thoughts are often self-defeating and inaccurate.

Rewind a few years and I did nothing. My only interaction with the real world was via a keyboard. Then I got shrinked (above noted CBT), and things where right with the world. La la la, I'm cured!

Except.. you never are cured. All you've done is learned how to act in a different way to counteract your problems. Your fundamental nature isn't changed, instead you are relying on techniques to make life possible.

The problem is, I'm noticing a return to old habits. Magnifying failures instead of forgetting about them and moving on. Doing less things. Taking less risks. Shopping at 11pm when it's me and the shelf filling monkeys. It would be so easy to withdraw from the hard world, and pretend I'm happy doing it.

When I was being shrinked, I found it helpful to "go on a mission". Plan something terrifying, and go and do it. In many ways I've not stopped doing this. The visits to Misty land where big and important journeys into the unknown.

Now I need something smaller, as I'm not up to the big challenges. And I have it.... I will go to the cinema. To see the "slightly longer" new version of metropolis.

This be not as easy as it sounds.
1) Limited release. So I will have to go to the big bad city on a scary train full of scary people to see it.

2) Art house cinema. I know the rules for 'normal' cinema. I don't for art house... and not knowing the rules is my worst fear.

How do I dress?
Who are the other people there? No doubt they're going to be from a "better" social class.
Can I hold it together for a film with over 2 hours runtime?

If I think about it I can come up with a thousand ways in which this is a bad idea. Which of course is why I must do it. But any hot tips from clever people would of course be appreciated.