Tis the season to eat holly

blurgh blurgh blurgh ow ow ow...

Well, that was a fun weekend.

As a pro evil bay seller I get the fun of not only selling stuff, but then going down to my magic workshop and making said stuff, followed by packing it. Some stuff is just bought in and sold on, but of course they really hit me hard on the "my stuff" and not the easy things.

So I worked until 9:30 pm, then grabbed a quick sarnie before starting to pack things. 1:12 am, and packing is complete. Lots of bubble envelopes for the lady to take to the post office tomorrow and terrorise the staff with. They are all hugely afraid as she now knows the game better than they do and tells them off if they get it wrong.

I'm still failing to understand the logic of the evilbay punter though. 90% of my stuff is buy it now. You click the little button and it's yours. So why do I have 50 people watching one of my ducks when there are exactly four of them left on my shelf?
They're not going to get any cheaper people.... and you can be sure when I've sold them at least 5 of the watchers will email me asking if I've got any more 'cos they was watching and didn't get one...

Other joys of the day:
Some bloke knocking on my garage wall. Turns out he's vaguely related to a friend, and would like to purchase my ford fiesta. Er.. a) it's not for sale b) if it was you don't want to buy it as it's in lots of small pieces, half of it isn't there and it needs massive amounts of welding. c) It's behind my ford capri that last moved three years ago, and I have no plans to move it soon.

Facebook doth not like me.
Try to do anything and a big notice comes up saying you haven't confirmed your account, check your email and confirm it. But.. I've done that...

Emailed the facebook dwarfs... reply.. your account has been confirmed... Yes.. I know that.. could you please tell the interweb thing that is has so it will work then?

Maybe tomorrow things will work....

illogical captain

I start my day the same as always, ask the Ma what's new?

News for today is the house idiot girl is renting out is damp, and tenants want it fixed pronto. Idiot girl has told the agents she has no money, and it will get fixed next year and if they don't like it, unlucky.

Er, Question.... What are you going to do when tenants leave the house 'cos it's uninhabitable, and the agents then don't advertise it for rent 'cos who wants to rent a damp house? Call me stupid, but no tenants = no income, so you have no choice but to fix it now...

Then comes the next thing... Idiot girl is not very well. And she's supposed to be "going out" tonight, but is in no condition to drive anywhere. "Unlucky" is the thought that crosses my mind.

Fast forwards a couple of hours. Idiot girl is still ill, but Ma has "volunteered" that I can drive her to the pub, and collect several other drunken fools she calls friends on the way.

Oh, thank you Ma! Not like we're in the Xmas rush and I've got work to do... Plus really ill, so is it clever to add really drunk too?

So sucker collects idiot girl, and collects "friends". Where to now IG?
"The monkey, you know where that is?" no.
"Next to northern college" still no.
"Hood green" Que?
"Near my horse".. Still a bit on the cold side. I've got this really good idea... it's called I drive and you say left or right when there are choices...

As we bimble along there are several topics of conversation:
1) How much they hate the other people they are all going to go and meet.
2) How the pub is freezing cold, and a sh*thole.

No, I don't ask why the hell they are going there then, much as I'd like to. They then say one of the nicest things anyone has said to me.... "He's not like Idiot Girl at all". Thank the LORD for that.. though it is perhaps rather rude to talk about someone in the third person when they're in the same car.

Idiot girl, just say no.

On not getting it in the slightest

I haz done it. But I'm failing to see the point. Several years after everyone else I now have a facebook account.

But, er, just what is the purpose of this fabulous must have thing?

No, really, I'm serious...
So far all I've worked out is you put the name of your real life friend in the top box, and thump search. It then brings back lots of results that aren't your friend at all. You then do this several more times, narrowing it down by inserting their location, weight, DNA structure etc, and you finally find your friend.

It then says click here to add them, so you do, and fill out a captcha, and then it says they will think about it, oh and here is a massive list of people you don't know remotely, but are they your friends??

After half an hour I've found oh! four friends, and my sister Idiot Girl. I clicked block on idiot girl, as frankly knowing her in real life is waaaay too much.

I consider myself to be good with all this interweb stuff, having been online since 1995.
~hovis advert music~
I can remember mosaic browser, then there was that new fangled netscape thing. I had a hotmail account before it belong to microsoft... And I had a 28.8 modem for the speedz..... so why don't I have a clue what the bloody hell this social networking guff is all about?

If anyone can tell me what happens now, and when the excitement is likely to start (So I can wear my brown pants on that day) I'd be happy to hear from you...

Tubetastic Thursday - Camouflage

Hello world! Why, is it Thursday already? I'm only up to Monday on the work thing at best.

I bring to you:
Stan Ridgeway - Camouflage.


Oh! Spooky! Dead marine's ghost saves the day in 'Nam.

Also one song you are pretty much guaranteed never to ever hear on the radio. Said video is only the radio edit at 5 minutes, the full version being over 7 minutes. And no DJ will ever risk playing it as they're afraid peeps will go off and do something else instead, and there won't be time to put 500 adverts an hour on for the jelly bar.

This actually made no. 5 in 1986, but I don't even remember it being on the radio then...

A spaceman came travelling

on his ship from afar,
'Twas light years of time since his mission did start,
And over a village he halted his craft,
And it hung in the sky like a star, just like a star

Yes, the countdown to doom is drawing closer. And I have questions, dammit! Or they could be badly disguised rants....

Uno:
Why do we all have to rush out and buy lots of things for other people?
'Cos it's Christmas! the sheeple will cry.

Oh. So you have to do it's cos everyone else does. The rest of the year you can ignore them, safe in the knowledge that you don't have to buy them anything until the one day comes. I must be some sort of sucker to buy peeps I care about things all year round for no other reason than I want to.

Dos:
Where are you going round 'tarn to get pissed on Xmas?
What do you mean you're not???

There may or may not be a Jesus bloke sitting on a cloud watching us (I suspect not), but if he is I'm sure he's dead proud that you're celebrating him coming to save mankind by going out and getting totally hammered. Look dad, another one passed out in the gutter... Smote him son, he's a bad 'un! Another drunk dies choking on vomit.

Of course as my "friends" & "family" know about me, this means I can be exploited. Don't book a taxi, phone the idiot boy at 3am and tell him it didn't arrive and you're stranded and come help. Or last year, when your child gets half it's teeth knocked out by your other child at 1am, but you're too drunk to do anything about it, phone old reliable to take the happy family to hospital...

Three:
What do you want for Christmas?
Nothing.
You must want something!
World peace?

Why am I supposed to want several hundred quids worth of stuff? I'm not mega rich, but by looking after the pennies, if I want something I can go out and buy it. Ergo, if I'm not buying things, I have no current desire for things.

Perhaps they think by spending lots on shiny things they show they love me. I would be a lot more impressed if they did something for me that had meaning, personal effort, not just throw money at a problem. Draw me a card. Write something for me. Sing a song if you have to. Oh, that requires work... Bottle of booze it is then.

Bah humbug!

No suprises

Teh BBC has a waste 20 mins of your life and find out who you is test thing.
My results are:


Openness describes to what extent you are receptive to novel ideas, creative experiences and different values.

Conscientiousness describes to what extent you are organised, strategic and forward-planning.

Extroversion describes to what extent you are inclined to experience positive emotions and how attracted you are to social, stimulating experiences.

Agreeableness describes to what extent you are concerned about the feelings of others and how easily you form bonds with people.

Neuroticism describes to what extent you react to perceived threats and stressful situations.

Quelle suprise! Introvert nutcase without friends.
Can I get my 20 minutes back plz?

Smart party membership : DENIED

Or Idiot Girl gets it wrong again.

Idiot Girl is still not very good in the walking department, having previously mangled the leg to hell. Idiot Girl has a dog, Sasha. Who has just had 'bits' removed at the vets, and has been kept inside without walkies for days.

Idiot Girl takes Sasha for a walk. Without crutches. Or a mobile phone. In the style of a Mr. R. Harris, can you guess what happens next kids?

Ans: Splat! I've fallen and I can't get up! I'll just lie on the pavement until someone comes to my rescue then shall I? Yes, that would be a good plan.

Smart party membership: Lifetime ban.

On crap pub names

I have the radio on while in the workshop to try and cut down on the tedium of it all. Sadly, in an attempt to make money they have adverts. Usually this includes one for some position relating to making of adverts (scriptwriter, sales manager etc). This is because, the adverts are in fact complete and utter shash.

But there's a new one, where no one has a hope in hell of making a successful advert. The basic premise is ok. Pub has a new chef, with exciting menus, freshly made food and they want you to come and eat there.

The problem is, the pub is called "The Jelly Bar". J-E-L-L-Y Bar.... Does this make you think of quality food? Or ice cream....

Of course crap FM and their adverts team have made it even less appealing by using a bloke who sounds like Chris Tarrant. No, not "who wants to be a millionaire" final answer? serious Chris Tarrant, more like Tiswas pissed off his face Chris Tarrant.

Which then makes you think of Sally James's Cleavage, and do they sell milk at the Jelly bar?

Tubetastic Thursday - The carnival is over

You, yes YOU ! get to choose today.

Feeling downbeat?
I bring to you:
Nick Cave & the bad seeds - The carnival is over.


Feeling upbeat?
I bring to you:
Boney M - The carnival is over.



The lesson here is anyone who feels upbeat has been suitably punished. Even if I wasn't 24 hours a day "negative" as some people claim, I think I'd go for the Nick Cave version.

Yes, I know it's by the seekers originally. And whilst I quite like the original version, I think Nick turns it into the song about ending and doom it should be. Quite what the lyrics mean I'm not 100% sure. It's a fairly safe bet that it's not about carnivals.

Theory uno:
They be off to a war in the morning. And unlike Baldrick didn't think of carving their name on a bullet, and thus are likely to be deado shortly.

Theory dos:
Singer is dying of some slow terminal disease, and this is it. Goodbye....

illogical

as mr. Spock would most likely say.

Today's big spam is an email telling you your email account has been deleted. Er, surely that's a spiral that can only end with the destruction of the space / time continuum?

Your email account is deleted.
You have been sent notice of this deletion by email.
To the deleted account.
But you are reading the deletion email.
50 goto 10...

Five points for original thinking though. Way better than last week's hot spam of "your facebook password was changed".

O RLY?
I say old chap, that's most shocking... considering it's been changed 500 times this hour alone... quite an achievement considering I don't have a facebook account...

More spam as it happens.. Lots more..

One and a half percent

I did it. Sort of. Badly.

I met up with the world famous Misty, or more precisely her viking alter ego. And her viking friends.


Misty tells me they are all very nice people, and I should interact with them. The problem of course is no matter how nice they are (and they where), I am a total and utter failure in the interaction thing.

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

(tnx radiohead).

True, after this photo was taken, to the untrained eye, it did appear that they engaged in attempting to beat seven bells of sh*te out of each other. I'm not sure I would like to take part in this if I was invited (I was assured they're all highly trained at clonking each other).

But I failed miserably in the more peaceful pursuits that I could have done. I wonder occasionally if I'm perhaps somewhere on the autistic spectrum, I've never been able to do the small talk thing well. But that feels like cop out, blame my failing on this label sort of thing.

Normally at this point I would have given Misty her birthday presents (my excuse for going), and buggered off into the sunset to be miserable thinking what could have been. But due to unexpected happenings which I won't go into, as Misty will no doubt a) want to tell the tale herself, as it's her tale, and b) make a much better job of it, I found myself having a second day of Misty and friends.

Which be where the 1.5 percent comes in. That being how far round the earth I drove today. Woo! Knackered now! I know some people prolly go that far to the corner shop, but I'm not used to it. Sadly I am used to getting the evil eye from certain people who think I'm stupid to do such things. C'est la vie.

Friday the 13th

Holds no fear for me. Having lived my entire life at houses with the number 13, if something bad was to happen it would have done it by now. Or it has and I've just failed to notice.

I am, however, in a mixture of excited / sad / unhappy / hyper. For on Saturday I am to meet a certain blogger and her killer friends. I should be happy. But all I can think of is how many ways I can get it wrong. Self doubt, your name be C'riz.

In an attempt to break the negative thinking, I am playing a selection of my favourite teenage death songs, with a heavy emphasis on the silly ones. I know it was only yesterday I was leaning on the youtube lazy blogging crutch, but My blog! My blog!, I'm going to do it again, as I feel you should share my pain.

I bring to you:
Bob Hudson - Teenage Cremation



At a 100 miles per hour,
we ran into a truck,
the driver he just looked at us ,
and all he said was "Ooooargh! Look out!!"

I feel better already...

Tubetastic Thursday - Woodpeckers from space

I'm still not feeling too well, and there are important things for the weekend. Important, terrifying things. So have to hope for improvement soon..

But as I'm suffering, I think it's only fair that everyone else does too. 80's style..

I bring to you:
Video kids - woodpeckers from space



Now there's a song you couldn't make today.... Besides the random awfulness of it, there's also the would get zapped by the copyright police factor.

The 7 inch starts with a speak n spell sample of w-o-o-d-p-e-c-k-e-r. Entertainingly, if you have spotify installed there is a cover version on there. A cover version of something this bad. They make it worse than the original by not being able to afford a speak n spell, so get a bloke to pretend to be one instead.... Most odd.

Can you think of anything worse than this?

ill

I appear to have a stinkin' cold, with the added bonus of sudden rush of work to do, which means more time in my cold damp garage.

So my brain is now totally fried and I haz nothing to blog about. Plz to read some of the clever people's blogs from the side bar >>>

Normal service will be resumed just as soon as I can work out what normal is.

She tried the green

she tried the red. I'll have 'em both that's what she said*

Well, the post strikes are off until the new year. Yay!

Or maybe not. 'Cos of course having expected a strike tomorrow I've not busted my nuts to get the work I have got done for then, 'cos there's no point is there? Plenty of time, do it at a sensible pace and not make mistakes. Now there isn't a strike I'm waaaay behind.

It's also woken up the idiots to buying things. I got asked this question:
What would you do for a gear knob (no 11) and 2 sets of dice?

The bad old days are back... He wants to buy 3 things (total value £10). He's expecting a price of <£5 for all 3, when the most expensive is £6 on it's own. Do I a) not bother wasting my time replying or b) do what I'd like to do and tell him I'd take them off the shelf, but you're going to have to pay £10 you pikey.

(*Don't you rock me daddy-o - vipers skiffle group)

Tubetastic Thursday - Earth Angel

Thursday again. I'm not sure it's a good Thursday.

Tonight I get to go to the photo class and explain why I have no photos of canals, but I'm sure I can bluff it. Or sit at the back and let the extroverts take over and there won't be time for little old me.

I'm also getting killed slowly, by no fault of my own. The post strikes rumble on, and what should be a busy time selling xmas tat isn't. People aren't stupid and if the strikes continue nobody will buy anything. Being 40% down on normal isn't very nice :(

Not looking too good for Idiot Girl either. Be back at work by the end of December or go down to half pay. Currently the people in the know think it will be at least 6 more months before she can work, so that's going to be 'interesting'.

But enough of this doom and gloom.

I bring to you:
Marvin Berry and the Starlighters - Earth Angel



This is of course the fictional group created for "back to the future".

Earth angel has also been recorded by just about everyone, "the penguins" version prolly being the version most people know. Whilst it's a good version, I think I like this one just a soupcon more. Methinks the BTTF connection helps boost it. You want George & Lorraine to live happily ever after, or is that just me?

Anyways, feel good song, which be what I need right now. Normal moping will be resumed shortly.

On doing it wrong... again

Twice in one week. I think I should be locked up away from humanity where I cannot do any harm.

I gave someone who doesn't read this blog something (being vague just in case I'm wrong on the previous statement). And they was happy for a while. But as usual I can't say "enjoy" and leave it at that, no I have to #### it all up, and no doubt now the happy is tempered somewhat with what a useless git I am.

SO I will go away and be miserable. But it won't help, and I will get it wrong again next time. Life. Why bother? I'm just lurching from one failure to the next.

On doing it wrong

I'm on a photography course. Not really for the photos, but to interact with real humans as well.
On Saturday I was supposed to interact on a "field trip" to the Sheffield canal.

It's fair to say the words "epic fail" come to mind. Interactions: 0.5 (they talked, I tried to run away).

Photos taken: 121
Photos taken that contain a canal, or elements thereof: 0

Think this one was the closest: