Kill me now

Idiot Girl's natural state is to tell lies. True, as a social worker it's probably the first skill she was taught, but she obviously wasn't listening when they told her to try and make them believable.

So you get things like a swarm of killer wasps came in the house, killed the dog (that you can see is still alive), and they ate all the ice cream as well before resuscitating the dog (oh, that's why it's still alive then), then they flew away after threatening they would be back tomorrow so get more ice cream in or else ....

I have evolved a simple defense mechanism, do not believe a single word she says. Sadly, other more gullible humans do not use this technique.

Idiot Girl has bought a washing machine from someone on EvilBay. And can I collect it. (which of course translates to I'm telling you, not asking).

Ok Idiot Girl... ask the seller a) the dimensions so I can see if it will fit in my car, b) the address, c) a phone number. Simples, non?

Response via le Ma arrives this morning... address is: blah street, collect any time after 11am.

Er, that's not what I told her to ask, why didn't you do what you was told? Idiot Girl did! I'm just an evil person who believes the worst of poor innocent Idiot Girl.. it's not her fault.. it's a stupid seller... rant goes on for about half an hour.

Fortunately Idiot Girl has an easily guessed ebay password, so I kind of accidentally login to her account. And the message she sent is:

Hello. Could you send me ur address and a convenient time for me to collect please. Many Thanks Idiot Girl

Nice use of text speek there.... but rather lacking in the questions you where supposed to ask. Of course Idiot Girl continues to claim she did ask, despite me having proof that she didn't.

I then have the additional problem of the Ma's "I saw it on TV" view of computers. You know, how on CSI they have a blurry picture of a car, and computer whiz says I'll just see if I can sharpen it up, tappity tappity... and it's as clear as day. Or we need to stop the alien mothership... tappity tappity.. I've hacked into their control console, I'll just get it to crash into the sun...

So I have an address, and of course I can magically find out their phone number using the power of the interwebs... Er, how do I do that then? You just go tappity tappity and it comes up in flashing red letters. Er, no it doesn't... You need a name as well as an address. And when I've got a name from the electoral role search, you still need them not to be ex directory. Can't I hack into the search website and get round that?

At this point I had to make a little speech "GO AWAY!!!!!!! GET IDIOT GIRL TO DO WHAT SHE WAS ASKED TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE".

This rant was sponsored by argh! kill me now corporation.