Hang on a minute... I can just about get my head around the concept of a job title for a bloke who makes coffee, but, barista trained? So not the real deal, just trained...
~wobbly lines as we go to the training session~
Hi, I'm Steve and I'll be your Barista trainer for the day... Watch closely pupils...
This is a kettle. And this is a jar of nescafe. Throw some nescafe in the paper cup, and add hot water from the kettle (does anyone need showing how to use the kettle?)
Then say "twoquidmilknsugaroverthereifyouwantemloveenjoyyourmeal."
Thank you class, you've all graduated with honours.
As to "Coffee like you've never tasted it before".. well that's not hard is it? Believe me, you've never tasted coffee like I make it either. Well, nobodies ever
Sod it, I'll give you my secret coffee recipe.
- First you need to select the right coffee... it be called "rocket fuel", it's the one in the jar amusingly shaped like a bomb.
- Bang plenty in the cup, and then add an extra teaspoon for every hour of sleep you've missed.
- Following the Dave Lister mantra of "triple caffeinated, quadruple sugared" you now need at least 3 teaspoons of sugar. I have caught some people making my coffee with lots of artificial sweeteners, which of course is full of wrong.
- Splash of semi skimmed milk for the healthiness factor. (Works like extra large whopper meal with diet coke).
- Drink. Wait for the buzz / death.
2 comments:
Don't they have baristas in court?
p.s. Work and coffee are a bit tricky for me - I need enough to get me wired, but not enough that I will use the wire to kill during meetings.
Idea for Squeakypony, Take a crayon into meetings. Then when you go on a stabbing coffee enduced kill frenzy you won't do as much damage to the nice people.
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