Self control

Ok, who stole this week?

I've been chasing trying to catch up with work, not made it and now another week's gone as well. Urgh.

Oh well. Onto the lazy blogging.
I bring to you:
Laura Branigan - Self Control



Poor dead Laura Branigan. Brain aneurysm trivia fans. Not very rock n roll, but a death I'd go for as long as I was one of the lucky ones who gets no symptoms other than suddenly being very deado. I wouldn't be that lucky though.

Er, moving on from death.... I've always been a big fan of this track. The video is pants (phantom of the opera...? Que?), but it's a 7 inch I could (and did) play again n again. 1984.. a very good vintage year.

skerrrrKKKKKK

That's the sound of me cutting glass. Though thinking about it I'm missing out on the chance for a lazy blog of a certain Nick Lowe song.

Yes, dear reader, I made it to the stained glass class. And it went surprisingly well! Apart from the bits that didn't work.

Class starts at 12:15pm, so I strolled in the door at 12:10. To find lots of people packing up sheets of glass and walking out. Did I miss it? Confusion reigns, until I find out these are the "advanced" class and they're going home.

I then discover beginners class has a grand total of 3 people on it. Moi & 2 peeps who are friends. Hmmm, no need to be embarrassed in front of lots of people then. But also lots of attention as there be not many people to put the spotlight on. Despite only having to remember 3 names I struggle.

Within 5 minutes the class becomes very hands on. Here's a cutter, here's a chunk of glass, watch this then you have a go. Surprisingly I'm not that bad at at. Possibly because I'm too busy being scared of the people to have any fear left for cuts, glass exploding into shards and other related fears.

It then went a bit silly. Here is a rectangle of glass. Draw a leaf shape on it, and then cut it out like this. I am sinister, so picked up the pen and drew a really wonky awful leaf. I can't draw to save my life. But swap the pen for a glass cutter, and I can follow my wonky line perfectly. The only way I can rationalise it is I've spent many years following lines cutting things out on metal, but no years drawing 'cos I know I'm no good at it.

I also did well on using the grinder, especially after mrs. Teacher demonstrates that its' not possible to grind your fingers with it. I've very used to using grinders that will take your fingerprints off in about 0.7 seconds so this was easy!

All in all, it was quite good fun! And I'm making things, and almost interacting. Yay me!

********
Of course there has to be rain after sun. This is the way of life.... till the world be done...

Sunday is "my" car club's annual show. I turn up, do nothing, talk to no one, mooch around for hours and promptly bugger off home again. I think it's time to admit failure on this one and stop going. Especially as I've not had the right kind of car for 4 years now. EPIC FAIL...

There can be

no understanding between the hands and the brain unless the heart acts as mediator.

There! I've just spoiled metropolis for you. For that be the climax of the film. However, as they put this in the opening credits you wouldn't be spoiled for long if you didn't know, like.

Rewind back to the start, and my adventures in knowing this. Aka wipe off the rabid foam and start again.

Step 1) Walk to town. Slowly, carefully, not panicking and running. Score 7 /10.

2) A return train ticket to teh big scary city plz my man... Followed 35 seconds later by the same man announcing the train is delayed. Bugger. Engage checking watch every 23 seconds. Score 3 /10.

3) Arrive in BSC. I can see the cinema from train station. No need to panic about finding it then.. Engage in "bigging up" I can do this thoughts.
Walk inside, and find my confidence has gone on a skiing holiday at short notice. Fortunately retained enough control not to run away. Pretend to read poster on wall while I get it back together.
Fall back on plan B... Wait for another punter to arrive, and follow them. Thus you know what the expected interaction is before you have to er, interact it. Ok, it's a cop out, but better than running. Score 4 /10.

4) Go to cinema 3. Which contains 10 people. Threat level, minimal. I could almost blend in with said persons. As they be not talking this is very easy. Study cinema. Despite it's arthouse "upmarket" image (All members of staff have a fine museum curator grade beard), it's seen better days. You would think at £3.50 for a small bottle of beer they could afford some paint. Good job I don't drink.

2pm. Trailers start. For arty nonsense I won't be seeing.
2:20pm. Film starts. I've seen said film before, but the quality of said 'new' version is unbelievable. Except they've left the 'extra' 25 minutes of additional footage in "unrestored" condition, to give you a clue where the extra bits are. It must be said I didn't think they added that much. Certainly not the miracle transformation the hype promises.
4:5opm. Film ends. No intermission. No ice cream. Arthouse sucks! I feel the urge to visit the little boys room fast.

I did have a vague notion that possibly I could talk to other people about the said film we had just collectively viewed. I have carefully formulated a viewpoint. Sadly this does not occur as everyone else runs for the toilet, and you can't discuss film while doing so.

5:20pm. Share small space with my fellow man on yet another late crowded train. Teh end...

***************
So I could have done better.... but I could have done worse.

There is of course a much bigger test for Friday. Friday being day 1) of the beginners stained glass course. Terror at defcon 1... interact with people, and do arty things simultaneously. Genius or insanity awaits!

Here I go again

I's not done the blog thing this week. Nothing remotely exciting happening.

But Thursday will be fun. Last chance to see metropolis. I've been 50% putting it off 'cos I'm scared and 50% 'cos the annoying work has got in the way. But I'm going to do it, I'm resolved, so sure that counts for something? Maybe a little? 1/2 a point?

Anyway, on with the lazy blogging:

Whitesnake - here I go again.


I'm sure you'll agree, one of the finer big hair moments of the 80's... If I had big hair, and could actually play guitar I'd want to be one of these guys. Get off my jag though luv!

We have a winner

it's me. Woo. Yay.

Cheque this morning for £25 from premium bonds.

However this does not count as a win in the "I want to win something" scheme of things, as to win the £25 I have £3000 'invested' in premium bonds. And to be a legitimate win it must cost me nothing.

Still, a better start to the day than most.

Waste

of a week. Mostly thanks to Idiot Girl.

Monday was lost to the whole 'no water in car' incident.

Tuesday she can't possibly have the car looked at 'cos she's so busy at work, and can't take my car on Tuesday. She must make a good impression at work 'cos they're 'downsizing' and she doesn't want to be the one to take a bullet in 'Nam. That would be why she turns up here at 3:30 pm.
Er, what happened to the working hard, big meeting thing?
"I told them to F*** off."
Nice. Well done IG. They're sure to decide you're essential staff.

Wednesday IG graciously decides she can do without her (potential grenade) car for 1.5 hours, so I can get up 4 hours early and take it to the garage, but must return it before it turns into a pumpkin. Garage can't find the fault in the time available.

So now I'm a) tired, and b) behind on my own work. Fortunately I can slightly change my plans, and put my goals on hold.
Cinema trip can be postponed as said film has gained an extra weeks run. Otherwise it would have been a choice between the job & improving teh mentals, and job would have won.

Lazy blogging time:
Strawberry Switchblade - Jolene


Null points for knowing who this is a cover of.

They are of course perhaps better known for "since yesterday". But I like this one, so am inflicting it on you.

If you're really bored find the 12" of "since yesterday". It's very funky.

It's a test

designed to provoke an emotional response spot the idiots.

Or an idiot girl story.

IG has a car. A faulty car. There is a leak on the engine coolant, so you have to keep adding more water every week or you will kill it. (Because she's too tight to have it fixed).

Today IG comes out of the house, hello flowers, hello trees, chizz chizz. Opens the bonnet and pours in the water. 0.7 seconds later the very same water appears underneath the car on the floor. Confused IG adds even more water with the same result.

Pretend you are IG (It's permissible to hit yourself round the head several times with a heavy object).

Do you:
a) Carefully take note of where the leak is. Put the keys back, walk 200 yards to my house and borrow my car?
or
b) Close the bonnet. Drive to work with no water in the car engine?

I'm sorry, but there is no prize for guessing she chose option b).

I am informed of this shortly afterwards, so phone her. IG, pour as much water in as you can and come home very carefully, and take my car or you will kill it. IG thanks me by pouring forth a torrent of abuse and obscenities. She cannot do that and must drive it 50 miles today and if it blows up it does.

Eventually I manage to convince the genius not to be so sodding stupid. The entertainment doesn't end though, as on her return it no longer leaks. A magic leak. So I do the only thing possible, and book it in the garage for professionals to check it and fix it. Of course I'm wrong to do so as she needs to drive 300 miles that day and can't drive my car, she wants to blow up her car 150 miles from home.

*sigh* Why do I even bother?

Lion face. Lemon Face.

Plz to observe:


Oh look, I've filled big bits of the screen already. Now to yap about the weekend.

Lion face: hah!
Or the things that I got right.

I'm signed up to the "stained glass beginners" course. I went to enrolment (avec Ma Ma), but did it myself. "Ma Ma, sit there and don't say anything unless I've been stuck in handling it for five full minutes."

It was easy...
Tell me about this course plz?
It's a beginners course in stained glass on Fridays. Er, that's all I know. Do you want to do it?
Ok.
Fill in this form.

So maybe I should have tried a bit harder in getting more information, but a) it only cost £5 and b) the course itself isn't important. It's the terror of going and interacting with people.

Lemon face: oooh!
The fail bits.

Empowered by the sign up process, I took Ma Ma, and we went to the heritage open day at the forge. I last went there about 15 years ago, so should be interesting to see what's changed. Answer, not a lot. Methinks they just don't have the money.

The fail is, Ma Ma took over. I'm supposed to be interacting, and do not as she answers the questions before I've had time to think. True, I should have perhaps devised a subtle signal for her to shut the hell up, but I'd have thought earlier talk about being on a quest to interact and let me do it would have been remembered. Could have been worse.

So now I've "just" got the cinema challenge to do this week. Then I can either give up as a total failure, or start thinking of more terror challenges. I'm almost optimistic. Well, as close as I get to.

Adverse reaction

Oh dear. It's worse than I thought.

After planning the 'visit cinema' task, I felt that I should plan some more blood curdling terror human interaction experiences. But what?

Then the free 'newspaper' arrived, and the answer. A leaflet for "family and community" courses. That I can do for £5. I'll do a course! Meet people, learn to hate them, that sort of thing.

But which exciting thing to do? Oh dear... it's a bit of a thin choice list. Sign language, no. Cake decorating, no. Ankle biters, definite no. Stained glasswork? That's different... it'll do. Slight snag, no actual details, just the instruction to pop in and visit our centre for details. Niet problemski, I'm going to town with Ma Ma, it's on the way back.

Wrong. Wrong to N decimal places. Drove back, got to within 200 yards, couldn't do it. Worst panic I've had in 2 years, I just could not go left. Ma Ma makes it worse by asking why we're not going, and I come out with about 5 (rubbish) reasons. She doesn't get the hint that I'm going mentals again, and proceeds to make me feel really awful and pathetic.

Still, full ahead and trust in the Lord. I may have another go at it tomorrow. And if it doesn't work I've got my sights set on another day out interacting on Saturday. I can't fail at everything (I hope).

Tubetastic Thursday: Chance

Thursday already. For some reason Thursday is always the day idiots crawl out of the woodwork.

Sold: Ball for land rover defender.
Me: What colour would you like?
Them: It's for a land cruiser.
Me: Argh! Fx: Brain explodes.

The word land is in both items. That's the only thing in common. And of course because I don't know what spec the land cruiser is, and they don't either, it must be my fault. Never their fault.

Also been Idiot Girl'd. Idiot Girl hears a noise... and instantly identifies it's a rat in her loft. I am commanded to go and check for presence of said rat. No... no to 10 decimal places. I have better ways to waste my time than look for imaginary noises.
Put a trap there IG.. if it goes bang! you had a rat. (This does not apply if simultaneously your fingers are hurting). If it does nothing then you made it up yet again.

I'm still planning my assault on precinct 9 visit to the cinema. Is it cheating to calculate when it's most likely to have less people there and go then?

I bring to you:
Big country - chance


I heard this on the radio earlier, and had totally forgotten about it up 'till then. In fact I had to use the magic phone song identifying thing to find out what it was.

It's been stuck in my head since, so it's only fair that I share the earworm.

Challenge C'riz

Preamble: Or recent history of C'riz

As should be fairly obvious, I've got a history of teh mentals. I haz social anxiety disorder.
Or to blag a bit from wikipedia:

Social anxiety disorder is a persistent fear of one or more situations in which the person is exposed to possible scrutiny by others and fears that he or she may do something or act in a way that will be humiliating or embarrassing. It exceeds normal "shyness" as it leads to excessive social avoidance and substantial social or occupational impairment. Feared activities may include almost any type of social interaction, especially small groups, dating, parties, talking to strangers, restaurants, etc. Possible physical symptoms include "mind going blank", fast heartbeat, blushing, stomach ache, nausea and gagging. Cognitive distortions are a hallmark, and learned about in CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy). Thoughts are often self-defeating and inaccurate.

Rewind a few years and I did nothing. My only interaction with the real world was via a keyboard. Then I got shrinked (above noted CBT), and things where right with the world. La la la, I'm cured!

Except.. you never are cured. All you've done is learned how to act in a different way to counteract your problems. Your fundamental nature isn't changed, instead you are relying on techniques to make life possible.

The problem is, I'm noticing a return to old habits. Magnifying failures instead of forgetting about them and moving on. Doing less things. Taking less risks. Shopping at 11pm when it's me and the shelf filling monkeys. It would be so easy to withdraw from the hard world, and pretend I'm happy doing it.

When I was being shrinked, I found it helpful to "go on a mission". Plan something terrifying, and go and do it. In many ways I've not stopped doing this. The visits to Misty land where big and important journeys into the unknown.

Now I need something smaller, as I'm not up to the big challenges. And I have it.... I will go to the cinema. To see the "slightly longer" new version of metropolis.

This be not as easy as it sounds.
1) Limited release. So I will have to go to the big bad city on a scary train full of scary people to see it.

2) Art house cinema. I know the rules for 'normal' cinema. I don't for art house... and not knowing the rules is my worst fear.

How do I dress?
Who are the other people there? No doubt they're going to be from a "better" social class.
Can I hold it together for a film with over 2 hours runtime?

If I think about it I can come up with a thousand ways in which this is a bad idea. Which of course is why I must do it. But any hot tips from clever people would of course be appreciated.

Suggest me up

I's noticed my blog roll thingy over there >>>>

be looking a little on the sad. As in full of people who I once loved to read, but appear to have stopped doing the blog thing. If it wasn't for ms. R. Mamblings, and the various projects of S. Duck it would grind to a total halt.

So... please to suggest me up some new blogs.

Ps... I may have an announcement tomorrow. But if I announce it I may then have to do it, and it scares me silly. So only may...

POIDH

Just remembered, I owe you a POIDH.

So here's Idiot Girl with the offending kite. Note the special out of control holding technique. Note the pointyness of the kite. Note proximity of IG to my good self.



Kersplat over with.....

IG has been making life difficult today as well. IG's house insurance is due. Ok IG.. go and join quidco, buy insurance via the link on their website and get cash back. Kerching, money saved!

Simples, no?

No. Ma Ma returns from IG's house, and is all shouty at me. Mumbling something about a code, and has IG got a discount or not? Tried to explain calmly that if she's followed the uber simple instructions then yes she has... if she hasn't then no she won't. Did she follow the instructions?

Apparently I'm not helping. Oh, excuse me while I rewind time so I can supervise her doing what any 3 year old would be capable of.

And relax.

Thursday already?
I bring to you:
Justin Hayward - forever autumn.



This be of course from war of the worlds.

I used to ( and still do) absolutely love the album, and could spend days listening to it. One of the big downsides of going to cd's is the booklet you got with the LP's looks very poor when shrunk to cd case size. Hmm, showing my age there.

IG hates war of the worlds, so it's always on my usb stick just in case she's in my car.

Forever autumn has been stuck in my head all day, as a) it's turning into autumn fast with leaves falling, and b) that blogger who I said I wouldn't allow to make me sad any more is doing. I so need to go out and find real world friends. Maybe next year...