Suicide blonde

Idiot Girl has found the first problem with her new car. See if you can guess what it is?

Old car: land rover freelander


New car: kia picanto



Not her actual vehicles, but are the correct models. Think about it for a min while I lazy blog.

Poor dead M. Hutchence & friends:


(By coincidence Idiot Girl has dyed her hair insanely blonde this week).

The answer is she's upset that she cannot fit all the crap that was in the freelander (a small 4x4) into the kia (a very small city car). She thought the kia was bigger. I am officially evil for suggesting perhaps it rained overnight and it's shrunk.

Sonic torture adventures

So Idiot Girl is still playing the 'must have different car' game. I dodged a bullet yesterday when the one she wanted came back on the datacheck as previously crashed.

Sadly today's came back clear. Wanna go wanna go wanna go... despite me having tons of real work to do, I find myself heading to York, which is a bit over an hour away.

We take my car, for tis pretty much a foregone conclusion she will buy it if it has more than 2 wheels. I can then drive it back for I'm insured to drive other people's cars. She can drive my car back, for she's included on the insurance of it.

Halfway there she starts being her usual bitchy self. Time for a little sonic punishment I think. Folder 43 on the olde memory stick - "the best of Rosie and the originals". As expected she hates it... Jolly good.

We arrive, she drives said car @ 5mph for oh, 100 yards. It's just what she wants, despite having damage that wasn't in the photos. Ma Ma, lend me £2800 plz, I promise I'll pay you back shortly after hell freezes over. Paperwork is signed, and the little shed is hers.

Idiot Girl gets in my car. I have a smile to myself that she will be too stupid to work out how to change Rosie to something else. I smile further when I remember said drive has 3 different versions of the same song in a row...

I get in the new roller skate. Oh, a radio! I turn it on as I drive off. Er, what is this bilge? Locates the cd eject button (for I am a man, and clever and able to read 'eject' and stuff). Westlife's closest misses FFS! How evil can you be to leave such filth in a car you are selling?

I consider tossing it out the window, but settle for throwing under the passenger seat instead.

The journey home is uneventful. Except now we must put new roller skate somewhere off road so it's not illegal. Engage the excitement of dismantling part of the concrete sectional fence surrounding Idiot girl's abode. And then driving said car that is just 2 inches smaller than said created hole thru it.

More excitement when she finally drives the car for real. On past form there will be several blind spots she didn't notice, impossible to reverse, too heavy this, random noise etc complaints.

She got the gold mine

I got the shaft, as the song goes.

Idiot girl is on holiday having a 'rite keg'. Again.

I have a plan. I want one stinking day where I get to do what I want, and not work. Or a day off.

I select a day, and invite Ma Ma to accompany me on this wild adventure. Ma Ma says she will ask Idiot Girl if we may be excused looking after her dog on that day. For said day is a Sunday, so of course IG will be off having a keg somewhere, and can't possibly be expected to look after her own dog on her day off from work...

Ma Ma texts IG. July 3rd, day off plz? Graciously IG allows this.... you may proceed with your petty lives for that one day...

I go on the website and book tickets. Fast forwards 4 hours ~wibbly lines~

IG texts back. What do we mean we've booked it? Who told us we could do that? She has a 'rite keg' planned for that weekend, and who's going to look after the dog now????

Er, we told you about it earlier... true you where probably in a drunken haze at the time, but you agreed... IG of course did no such thing.... Our text only said "sometime in July", and didn't have a date at all.

Yes it did!
no it didn't!
Behind you! etc.

So Idiot Girl is now back from her keg in the sun, and making lives very miserable 'cos I won't cancel what I want to do. She's going to have to get some other sucker to look after the dog now... do we know how selfish we are being??

Er, cancel your rite keg then Idiot girl and look after it yourself. Don't be so f'ning stupid....

~sigh~ Somebody shoot me thru the head plz...

Burnin'

in the third degree:


NO FATE. Discuss.

Doogie Howser, MD

So I went to the hospital today, looking for answers as to why some things are not quite right with my vision.

For those with busy lives, answers I did not get. The End.

The long version:
Herr Doktor asks me what is the most important issue with my sight?

So I start to tell him the symptoms I am having.

He interrupts, and demands to know what is the root cause?
Er, why would I know? Aren't you the doctor?
Am I depressed, worried, anxious? This is causing it, yes?
Er, no. Happier than I've been for quite some time actually.

We then sort of argue. I tell him a symptom, he says this is not a root cause! I run out of symptoms. He then examines said eyes with his magic machine, before proclaiming them to be healthy.

He then sums up what I've told him, that these symptoms must be caused by something, the something must be found, but not by him. I am discharged, and he will write to the neurology department, as there is something wrong with the brain, and they can find out what. Thankyougoodnightelvishasleftthebuilding.

So I've learned nothing, and now prolly have a few months wait for the other lot to call me in for a prod & poke.

Glass half empty mode, also surely faulty eye control or faulty eyeball has the same result, I don't bloody see correctly! So his reassurance that my eyes are fine isn't that comforting.

Ps.. post 300. No flowers by request.

A summer place

There's a summer place...


Percy Faith orchestra, marvellous!

2010: abortion remix:


Urgh! That is all.

Cat anger

Some bastard cat belonging to one of my scumbag don't give a frig neighbours has started shitting in my workshop.

Options:
Buy cat repellent.
Post said shit thru letterboxes of all identified cat 'owners' as it's the only language these curs understand.
Supersized mouse trap, assembled A team style with lots of welding using metallic things found nearby.
Free bowl of antifreeze for all kitties in my workshop. Help yourselves!

Suggest me up what to do about it!

New religion

I'm starting one. Convert now and grab a good job while there's still places available.

I know I'm teh messiah, as like all good bosses I was given a sign. The gig chose me, not the other way around. I will show you this sign now.

Behold!


It's a bad phone photo of my hand! After some mysterious force / biting insect caused injury to appear in a pattern overnight.

If you study it you will note it looks remarkably like 'the plough' constellation.

So obviously I should add in lots of space related mumbo jumbo to my new religion.
Ok, so the pan end only has 3 stars on my hand not 4, but er, this is a test of faith. No, better still I can make it my first commandment: "Smote all the smart arses who spot the missing star".

Suggest me up some more rules, I command thee!

Sexual equality

A lazy blog double bill:

For the gentlemen:



Or perhaps the ladies:



They must unite, fight, and see who is best!

Must say, the ladies actually handle the tools better. Does this make me a sad heeb? Yes, I think it does.

Spoilers Sweetie

so I watched Doctor Who. Last one of this current run, so it's time for some answers Moffat! And boy did we get some!!

I can't believe that ~static~ did ~dematerialisation sound~ with ~feedback squeal~ while ~cough cough cough~ was there! Like, OMG!!!!!

I hope I've not spoiled it too much for people in far away lands without bittorrent.

A nice cup of tea

and perhaps a sit down too!



I have the happy, as for the third time the above is now "new!" at tesco. Quite why they keep reintroducing it and then deleting for six months I am not sure. Perhaps it only sells as new? Or maybe other people like me buy 10 boxes every time it's new just in case it never comes back..

Either way, I can now experience the "freezing to death with all hope lost" sensation any time I want.

There can only be one lazy blog to go with this:



Sorry it's more than a bit screechy. Please don't hit me.