A spaceman came travelling

on his ship from afar,
'Twas light years of time since his mission did start,
And over a village he halted his craft,
And it hung in the sky like a star, just like a star

Yes, the countdown to doom is drawing closer. And I have questions, dammit! Or they could be badly disguised rants....

Uno:
Why do we all have to rush out and buy lots of things for other people?
'Cos it's Christmas! the sheeple will cry.

Oh. So you have to do it's cos everyone else does. The rest of the year you can ignore them, safe in the knowledge that you don't have to buy them anything until the one day comes. I must be some sort of sucker to buy peeps I care about things all year round for no other reason than I want to.

Dos:
Where are you going round 'tarn to get pissed on Xmas?
What do you mean you're not???

There may or may not be a Jesus bloke sitting on a cloud watching us (I suspect not), but if he is I'm sure he's dead proud that you're celebrating him coming to save mankind by going out and getting totally hammered. Look dad, another one passed out in the gutter... Smote him son, he's a bad 'un! Another drunk dies choking on vomit.

Of course as my "friends" & "family" know about me, this means I can be exploited. Don't book a taxi, phone the idiot boy at 3am and tell him it didn't arrive and you're stranded and come help. Or last year, when your child gets half it's teeth knocked out by your other child at 1am, but you're too drunk to do anything about it, phone old reliable to take the happy family to hospital...

Three:
What do you want for Christmas?
Nothing.
You must want something!
World peace?

Why am I supposed to want several hundred quids worth of stuff? I'm not mega rich, but by looking after the pennies, if I want something I can go out and buy it. Ergo, if I'm not buying things, I have no current desire for things.

Perhaps they think by spending lots on shiny things they show they love me. I would be a lot more impressed if they did something for me that had meaning, personal effort, not just throw money at a problem. Draw me a card. Write something for me. Sing a song if you have to. Oh, that requires work... Bottle of booze it is then.

Bah humbug!