Ooops! I SPICED it again

Time for another attempt at a S.P.I.C.E event.

The mission this time: Go to the park. Where they have segways. Experience the future of transportation.... or not given they're actually illegal to use on anything other than private land.

First challenge: Go to the park. Easy! Tap postcode in sat nav, drive!

Oh, there's a nice lady who wants £5.50 to park my car in her car park. I think I've discovered where the national trust gets all it's money from. She gives me a glossy leaflet, and the hard sell. If I join the national trust today not only will I get my £5.50 back, and not have to pay if I come again, but I can also have a free ticket to tonight's concert. Hmmmmm.... who is at said concert?
Ah.... headlined by 'level 42'. National trust membership £50. Er... no thank you.

Next challenge: Meet at the segway van in the centre of the park. Define centre? Said park has lots of trees, so visibility is less than 100 yards.

Eventually I stumble on said van, for my bonus challenge! The other spice people are there. For reasons unknown they assume I am the segway man. er, no, no I'm not. So plz to stop asking me questions.

The real segway man arrives soon after, on a segway. It is explained that you stand on it, and how to make it move. I miss a lot of the explaining, as I'm too busy struggling with the compulsory (too small) head protection. Curse my big head!

I climb aboard, and it wobbles around randomly in a quite alarming fashion. I'm suddenly 12 again on a skateboard going down a big hill and trying to remember how to stop. We are told to experiment in going about said field for about 3 minutes. I move in circles at 0.5 mph. This is not too bad....

Segway man says "follow me" and blasts off at 12mph flat out. Oh. I follow more slowly. Plz to not let it be me that crashes first...... and it isn't! MS. overconfident hits a post with it. Yay! I'm not the first to fail!

Five minutes later and I'm actually feeling a lot better. It's quite instinctive, basically lean the direction you want to go. The more you put your weight forwards the faster it goes. Simples!

Segway man (the bastard) decides to make it harder. Right turn into the woods. Lets off road! Try not to hit things! Bastard!

Confidence comes back after a while, which is a good thing as he's had the idea of going faster around all these trees. The woman I'm following (Rose) is obviously not too comfortable at speed, but is attempting to keep up with SMTB.
It all goes wrong in that slow motion fast sort of way when Rose drives into a bloody great big tree at warp factor 5. I get a prime view of her being thrown off, flying thru the air into spiky bushes. Fortunately I don't make things worse by running over her as well. I get off the damn thing and express concern for injury. Eventually SMTB realises two of his machines are missing, and returns to see if we have stolen them.
She has a rapidly swelling knee, and is in shock but bravely/stupidly gets back on. We continue at more sensible speeds for the remaining 30 mins.

Post segway comes the final challenge: Food + talking. Very hard!
Makes note to self if I'm going to do this sort of thing I need some 'interesting' stories of how brilliant I am, and all the places I've been if I am to fit in. Nah, bugger that! Accept me as who I am, or don't.

Overall SPICE score: Baby Spice.

Epilogue:
Next day my legs ache a lot. I email Rose to enquire about her health. The end.