Fortune told

By the talented Amanda Huggenkiss.

I went back to the bank for my 'investments review'.

Before I booked it I told them I wasn't interested in anything where I couldn't get my money out of it if I really really need to. EG if/when Idiot Girl cocks it up and needs another £14K bailout.

No problem sir, we can do that!

Fast forwards to today.

So how long am I looking at investing?
Er, short term, maybe 3 years?

Ok, well we've got this one. You put your money in, and can't get it back for 5 years. After 5 years you get a minimum of 12% return, and if the stock market has risen you get a bonus too! Isn't that great!

Er, no. No it's isn't. 5 years is longer than 3 years you see. And I can't get the money out if I need to. And if the stock market goes tits up like is is doing now your 12% is only 2% per year compounded. Have you got anything else?

We've got this one... ~shows paper~... Er, that's the same as the last one, but profit is linked to retail prices instead. Anything else?

Er, we've got both of them for 3 years and 9 months? Er, no.

Well, the best we can offer then is this post only bank account, that pays 2%. I'd move the money there as you're only getting 0.5% since we pulled a swifty with the interest rate.

I see... Thank you for your time... I think I may call in at the bank across the street who are offering 3.15% with no restrictions in the hope that they can pull a swifty and drop the rate later. Again, thank you!