Liar Liar

pants on fire!

Someone once told me, liars should have good memories. There is another rule that Idiot Girl doesn't appear to have grasped either, "Make it remotely believable".

All the times skiving off skool, you'd think she would have learned "abducted by aliens" isn't a very good reason.

Onto the lie of the day..... observe this:



This is what happens when your neighbourhood has the worlds most stupid car thieves. The ones that try to steal a car that doesn't work and hasn't moved for 5 years or so. Durrr.. it doesn't work.... lets set it on fire!

The observant of you will have spotted there be garages behind it.




This is one of the garages. It is owned by idiot girl. It now sports a classy two tone paint job by yours truly, as the heat from the fire has made the paint fall off, and no paint = rust.

I would now like you to brace yourself for the lie. Ready?

"Someone set fire to that car and my garage is totally destroyed! There's nothing left, even the walls fell down!"

Can you perhaps spot the slight flaw in the above lie?

Wow Idiot Girl! How awful for you.... and how lucky are you that the insurance company has in the space of half an hour built an exact replica of your original garage!

Oh!..... but....... I'm going to claim on the insurance for a new garage anyway. It's almost destroyed. A bit...... And it's..... smoky.

Idiot Girl.... do not believe...

Almost suckered

So I went to that there asda in search of bargains bargains much cheapness.



Oh! Flavoured milk, 2 for £2 it says in big letters. This has to be for the win I thinks. Milk, supposed to be good for you, and banana (flavour) surely counts as one of 5 fruits a day, and it's cheaper too!

Sound fx: Needle being dragged across a 45.

Hang on a minute.... 1 bottle costs £1. So while two for £2 is legally accurate, it's not much of an offer...

I still bought one bottle, and wondered off humming "Won't get fooled again". That's the limit of excitement round these parts.

Tubetastic Thursday: London Calling

Well now I've done it. The post today brings me a shiny train ticket. Which says in big letters "not refundable", so looks like I'm going to have to go through with my plans.

I'm scared, and excited. But mostly scared.
To normal people it's probably quite simple.

Train to that there Londinium.
Tube to teh Misty house. Hello Misty, how are you today?
Fun, fun, fun! Sun sun sun.

To me it's all very terrifying. But I must do it if I am to beat the mental gremlins. I want to, but it's coming closer to the cliff edge than is perhaps safe.

To add to the terror, there is an element of fancy dress. I was mentally scarred as a child when the parents decided to enter me in some sort of competition, dressed as a post box. A post box made out of red paper that turned me red when it rained. I've not done fancy dress since, so this could get interesting.

Still, nearly two months left to get my sh*t together.

Anyways, as I be going to Londinium, I bring to you:
The clash - London calling


This is, of course, from before my time, as I'm only a young 'un. But I can still recognise a classic when I hear it.

Seduced

by the idiot box. I haz been.

I normally don't watch tv, who cares about the lives of imaginary persons? But this easter, well, it's been a orgy of cathode rays.

Firsty: Ashes to ashes. Not sure I'm too convinced by the "I was in a coma, in my coma" explanation of why she's back in 1983.

2: CSI (illegal download version). Ok, so I actually watch this all the time, but been a while while waiting for them to get round to making new episodes. Mildly annoying / doesn't ring true this week though.
Archie falls over a body, and 10 mins later is back doing the job in the lab. Er, he's the one that does enhance 34-46 on blurry photos and not the oh look, big hole in head part of the job. You'd think he'd be a soupcon shook up.
Then Catherine is doing stakeout, and deactivating a drug lab. Afterwards says "ok, send for hazmat to clean up", but surely they would also be doing the deactivating thing? Methinks a contrivance for her to get lucky with the smooth bloke.

3: Dr who returns... New bloke... Woo?

Well, the first fail is the bastards have messed with the theme tune again. For the love of Pete, why?

New doctor bloke.... Ma no like. I think he shows promise, in a Tom Baker crazed loon more teeth than brain cells sort of way...



Assistant.... Amy Pond... Schwiiing! It appears someone at the bbc is now in charge who isn't gay, and thus has remembered the classic rule get some eye candy in for the dads. Though for me an assistant needs to be pretty, and also capable of a good scream. But that could just be due to first who I can remember being genesis of the daleks with Sarah Jane Schwiiiing Smith.

On Bargains

So we went to that there asda tonight at 9:30pm. It's an entertaining time to go shopping as a) you can park, b) there's nobody there and c) there's the exciting uncertainty of being unable to get to the shelves you want for all the pallets of stuff.

There be also the bargain factor. Where asda realises they have a pallet of something with a sell by date that expires in 2 1/2 hours time. Result: it's all 1p!

Today's fuc up er, error was fresh pineapples. Trays and trays of pineapples. Nothing wrong with them, just a date saying that this fruit that has gone half way round the bloody planet must be sold or destroyed by midnight. We bought three.

I just hope it doesn't turn out as bad as the other day. That was ready to use vegetables for idle bastards, er, busy professionals. Again, perfectly fresh, 1p, and it would be a crime to waste them. It also ties in with my cunning plan of "5 a day" vegetable based meal torture in the hope of losing weight**

Trouble is, when you get to day four of leek, potato and sweede based culinary delight, well, it starts to feel a bit like xmas but without wallace and gromit reruns.

** It's very boring, but does work. I don't know how much weight I've lost, but can confirm it works as my belt has moved 4 notches in the smaller direction.