Assault at precinct 13

Or who the hell is making noises outside my house at 12:30am?

So I went to investigate. And found a man, mid 20's, white, drunk/drugged/crazy/foreign. Said man is in the process of tearing up our plants in an attempt to make a 'nest'.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I shouted in my best not scared at all of the obviously crazy man voice.

Sleep! he says.
No! Go away! says I.
Sleep!
Go!
Sleep! Cold!
Go! police!

This goes on for a short while. Said man then decides the answer to everything has to be violence. Fortunately he is drunk/drugged and I'm stone cold sober. It's obvious he is going to attack.

I should point out I am the pacifistic type, but when he made his move the fight or flight primative part of my brain chose fight. Not much option with a closed gate behind me. His swing missed wildly, so I grabbed him by the neck, pushed him over the small wall and rammed his head into the privet hedge. This was all on autopilot, and over in an instant.

I'm then back in control, with the thought of great! I'm holding a drunken foreigner by the neck in a hedge. Now what clever clogs? What if he has a knife and remembers in a minute?

So I shove him more in a hedge direction, and do a runner behind the gate before him and his potential knife can get back up. He then tries kicking the gate / falling over. FOF kicks in again, I open the recycling bin, grab an empty dog food tin and throw it in his general direction. By pure luck it connects with his head, and he decides it's time for flight. He staggers away cursing in whatever his native language is.

I wait until he is a dot on the horizon and isn't coming back. I come inside and go all wobbly.

Seriously, I know from reading the S. Duck chronicles the protocol for sick in a hedge, but what should I really have done for forrins nesting in my hedge? What do I tell Ma Ma tomorrow when she spots plant damage? Argh.....