Voodoo economics

Idiot Girl is at it again. AND I AM VERY ANGRY, shouty angry, even!

She turns up, can I plz look at her car as the clutch doesn't work. Er, have you tried pressing the pedal on the left? Works for me!

Further investigation, aka putting my head in sweet wrappers and other things I don't want to think about reveals brake fluid dripping off the clutch pedal. As it's a hydraulic clutch it's not rocket surgery to work out that the master cylinder is knackered.

"Idiot Girl, your master cylinder is knackered" is what I said.
"oh, it works now? fine thanks bye!"

Fast forwards a couple of hours and she phones up complaining it's broken again. Er, I didn't fix it. I just told you what was wrong and you left????

So I find who sells the part cheapest, and it comes to £55 + fitting.

Engage Idiot Girl logic, and my anger..... Well the road tax is also due... so it's going to cost about £300, and I haven't got any money.... so the best plan is to go out and buy a newer car.

Er, run that by me again slowly plz.... no money, so buy a newer car? With what?
I'll get it on finance.
Er, so on the one hand you don't have to pay £300 this month, instead on the other hand you have to pay £80 per month, every month for the next five years? Are you a f'n moron... er. yes you are.

What really drives my anger level higher is little miss no money went out drinking / meals / random money wasting 3 days out of 7 last week, and has 4 nights out planned this week. Er, priorities???

She's also complaining that her house is awful as there isn't a single room that's properly decorated. Would this in any way be due to your hobby of wrecking a room, and then moving on to wreck another one?
I'm sure it was 'a right keg' smashing all the tiles in the bathroom and gouging big holes in the wall, but there isn't a magic fairy that fixes the mess you've made and fits new tiles for free...

Ditto the cunning plan of paint a big splotch in the middle of every bloody wall to see if you like the colour... you're supposed to then paint the rest of it...

AND RELAX....

Foot. Gun.

Bang!

This guide brought to you with the help of Idiot Girl. (Naturally).

Situation is: still plenty of snow about, IG does not have her car. Yesterday she refused my car 'cos it wasn't defrosted and heated for her.

Today the queen arrives, and long suffering Ma Ma points out there is over 14 inches of snow on the back road where it is parked, and is IG sure she can actually drive it out backwards for 100 yards to the clearer roads?

IG tells Ma Ma to p*ss off and throws the keys in the snow and stomps off. Ma Ma doesn't do the logical thing of letting her (as she only hurts herself by walking), and gets your poor suffering narrator out of bed. I drive the car onto the main road. I then phone IG.

Do you want the car?
sweary sweary.
I'm not in the mood for your shit this early in the day. Do you want it, yes or no, or I'm putting it back away again.
Can I drive it?
Yes.
Can I drive it all day?
~sigh~ yes.
Fine! Phone slammed down.

Drove to IG's house. Here is the car IG. "Just drive me to the bus station"

By this point I've had enough of her games, and am not going to beg her to take it like she wants. I drive. Here we are, get out of my car, see you later!

But... I've not got wellies, I thought I would be driving!!!!!

You asked for the bus station, you get the bus station. Bye!

~~~~wavy lines~~~~~ (that's time passing you know)

It's now mid afternoon. IG presents a new problem. Can I lend her in the region of £14,000, and it must get to her solicitors by tommorrow or her house sale will fail.

Yes, I am stupidly trying to sort it. No I do think it's likely to happen. Somebody pass me something very good for headache curing plz?

Bullet in 'Nam

Something is happening with the house that Idiot Girl has (provisionally) sold for a huge loss.

Ma Ma went there today to find all the heating has been turned on full. As Idiot Girl is paying for the gas this is not a good thing. Engage Ma Ma wanting taking to the estate agents to retrieve all keys.

Followed by the possibility that someone has acquired a copy of the key. (Estate agents deny it was them). Ma Ma wants the alarm turning on. (Thinking they may have a key, but don't have the alarm code).

Ok... drove her to the house. I'll put the alarm on shall I? Actually no, pass me a gun so I can shoot myself in the head.

Ma Ma starts telling me a really long sequence of numbers you must enter to activate the alarm. Er Ma Ma, it says here on the alarm, "To activate press the full set button".

Ma Ma then goes into a long and rather boring story that Idiot Girl has a dog (true), and the alarm has been reprogrammed so you can deactivate some of the sensors so it won't detect the dog and so you must enter this long sequence to set the mode so it won't detect the dog.

Er... Ma Ma.... The dog is in Idiot Girl's other house... it doesn't live here... there are no dogs at all... ergo you don't have to turn off the sensors that would detect a dog, as you don't have one present to detect.

Ma Ma becomes angry and tells the long dog story again. I explain the absence of dog. Again.

Rinse and repeat a few times.

The alarm is now set, so invisible dogs won't trigger it. I got bored of hitting my head on the wall.