Number Thirty Seven

in an occasional series...



Ma Ma points at a Rolls Royce avon gas turbine circa 1953.

I did have a period where she was conned into pointing at lots of things. Today we went to the Kelham island museum, and it felt appropriate to restart the pointing.

They also have this: The river Don engine.



It is what you could technically describe as a bloody massive steam engine. Built to roll steel plate, it produced 12,000 HP. One suspects they run it with just enough steam to make it move now, as without a load it would prolly shake the building apart.

Retail therapy

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to cheers oneself up with a bit of mindless purchasing. Today was my day.

I bought:

A tile cutting machine, used (£1)
Ma Ma asks why? Well I may want to cut tiles someday... plus I have a moderately mad idea for glass work that I could use it for.

Four alloy wheels, used. (£450) For the car that hasn't moved for 5 years, 2 months.
Ma Ma was most pleased with this purchase. I can tell by the way she said "you're insane".


Note boring standard wheel fitted to car, and OMG SEXY! rare alternative wheel. (not fitted).

A grinder stand, used. (£1)
I've got to show you this sweetie:


Isn't she a dreamboat?

Ma Ma refused to help me carry it. And yes, it's probably worth £30 in scrap metal alone, and weighs URGH! kilos.

Books! (£50)
Well, I haven't got them yet, because they're coming from USA. 'Cos they're signed by the person who wrote them.

Perhaps it's a good thing that most of the time I'm incredibly careful with money.

Bonus audience participation!
What retail therapy have you bought yourself recently, and why? Enquiring minds want to know.

Positive thinking

I'm still concerned that when I go see the eye person he will go hmmmm, yes in my learned opinion you're going blind, any minute.... now!

The worst thing to me is what would happen to my cars if I had to stop driving? (I have four... One of them is legal and works.) I like my cars, hence why I keep the broken ones. It would make me very sad to lose them.

Ma ma tells me I should stop being negative, and the nice man will spot some easily corrected thing the optician missed. I hate optimists and their la la thinking. Why should nice things happen?

But I'm taking note, and being positive.... by buying parts for my cars. Think I'll wait to find out who is right before fitting them though.

Inclement

I'm supposed to go to the dentist today. As I keep getting occasional random pain this is no bad thing.

Except... Ma Ma is also going to the dentist. Ma Ma doesn't want to go. Ma Ma wakes me up early, and tells me it's snowed massively, it's impossible to drive and she's cancelled the dentist. Go back to sleep.

So I do. I'm now awake, and it's obvious this is yet another of Ma Ma's 'I don't want to go' excuses. Yes, there is some snow. But, the buses are still driving past the house, so her description of too much snow for anything to move is false. If a bus can go, my 4x4 can surely also go.

Just to make sure that I don't notice this, and uncancel the appointment she's gone out without taking her phone. *sigh*

*************

In other news, I didn't win the free spice membership competition. But, they sent me a message saying I can have the first month free if I join now!... as I was going to anyway, I'm counting this as a sort of win...

Erection

I was woken this morning by a large erection. Or more precisely by the monkeys constructing said erection next door. Said erection was pointed out to Ma Ma, who was less than happy.

Yesterday we spent quite a bit of time shovelling ice from the street so the bin could be placed exactly on the pavement edge. Said bin hasn't been emptied for three weeks due to the snow, so it is essential it gets emptied today. We know that if they have to walk on frozen stuff to get the bin, elf n safety will decide it's dangerous, and it won't be emptied.

So Ma Ma is quite peeved that the monkeys have a) moved the bin back onto the snow and b) are using the cleared bit to unload their truck. Some people would get passive aggressive here. Ma Ma prefers the direct approach. "Oi, monkeys! Put my bloody bin back where you got it from or I'll empty it in your bloody truck!"

For a 5 foot woman she is very intimidating. Said bin is replaced. Sadly I am kept awake as they create their erection all morning.

The house next door now has scaffolding all over the front with a bit looking like a diving board platform extending to the chimney. Quite what the intent is I'm not sure, but Ma Ma is getting a good head of steam built, as after all the chimney is 50% ours. Observe this space for developments.

Bullet in 'Nam

Something is happening with the house that Idiot Girl has (provisionally) sold for a huge loss.

Ma Ma went there today to find all the heating has been turned on full. As Idiot Girl is paying for the gas this is not a good thing. Engage Ma Ma wanting taking to the estate agents to retrieve all keys.

Followed by the possibility that someone has acquired a copy of the key. (Estate agents deny it was them). Ma Ma wants the alarm turning on. (Thinking they may have a key, but don't have the alarm code).

Ok... drove her to the house. I'll put the alarm on shall I? Actually no, pass me a gun so I can shoot myself in the head.

Ma Ma starts telling me a really long sequence of numbers you must enter to activate the alarm. Er Ma Ma, it says here on the alarm, "To activate press the full set button".

Ma Ma then goes into a long and rather boring story that Idiot Girl has a dog (true), and the alarm has been reprogrammed so you can deactivate some of the sensors so it won't detect the dog and so you must enter this long sequence to set the mode so it won't detect the dog.

Er... Ma Ma.... The dog is in Idiot Girl's other house... it doesn't live here... there are no dogs at all... ergo you don't have to turn off the sensors that would detect a dog, as you don't have one present to detect.

Ma Ma becomes angry and tells the long dog story again. I explain the absence of dog. Again.

Rinse and repeat a few times.

The alarm is now set, so invisible dogs won't trigger it. I got bored of hitting my head on the wall.