Toast

I like toast. But it must be made correctly. Well done, crispy texture, hot, lots of butter (melted). There's nothing worse IMHO than cold toast.

The problem is, crap toaster + Ma Ma conspire to produce cold toast. Yes, it's easy to get the correct level of burntness, but to get the butter right and retain heat is very difficult. I suspect not helped by putting it on a cold plate.

So I applied SCIENCE to the problem. How can I get more heat into my toast without burning it to oblivion, or using mega thick slices?

Because I like you all, I will tell you my secret. Burn toast to correct shade with the toaster. Transfer toast to microwave and apply radiation to superheat the toast. Add butter, enjoy!

Ma Ma it turns out has been giving away the secrets of my research to all and sundry. Idiot Girl knows how to make my perfect toast!!!! Turns out she followed the instructions, and denounced my wonderful toast as being, and I quote, "F***ing awful".

Of course, she is full of wrong. I'm not sure why she would undertake to use my method, when (sicko she is) she thinks toast should be 1) minimal butter, and 2) cold.

Er, hello! McFly! hello! Anyone in there? You've used a method that is designed to produce the exact opposite of what you want, and then complain that it's wrong? Think mcFly, Think!