Crazy fit massage

FX: Door bell

C'riz rushes to the window, remembers to open it first, puts head outside and says hello? (For I be expecting parcels).

"Parcel for Idiot Girl", says the man.
Bugger, I'll be right down...
"I'll get it off the van"...

So I open the door, sign here, and then notice the sodding huge box. W, T, and indeed F has Idiot Girl bought now? The box is huge, and extremely heavy. Delivery man gives me a cheery wave and sods off, so I'm left to drag it into the house by myself.

"Crazy Fit Massage (pink)" is written on the box. I ponder on this for a while before getting on with my so called life.

~wavy lines of time passing~

Ma Ma has asked Idiot Girl what the hell is in the big box, and when is she coming to collect it? We are told it's dead brilliant, and she's not. I am to deliver and assemble it. Joy.

Big box is dragged to my car, and then into Idiot Girl's house. A clear bit of floor is found, the chinglish manual pictures studied, and a work of modern art emerges, thus:


A crazy fit massage (pink).

The accurate words being a) pink and b) crazy.

Said device is yet another miracle weight loss product. See the black bit at the bottom? Well it violently rocks side to side. For 25 minutes.
I stood on it for 30 seconds and lost 5 lb's and discovered the result is 'pins and needles' in the lower leg area coupled with a loss of ability to walk in a straight line.

This piece of crap cost £135. Another prime example of how Idiot Girl would be queuing to jump off a bridge if other people was doing it.

Those with long memories may also recollect the same Idiot Girl attempted to remove her foot by the medium of horse. As she now gets huge pain when walking I'm sure violent shaking of said foot will be most pleasant.
Still, I'm sure everyone who anyone would love to have such an attractive piece of modern art installed in their house.