Money

I got a phone call from the bank. Would I like to have a free savings review?

Yes, yes I would. Given you're the bank that likes to change the interest rate to 0.25% without telling people.

So I went to the bank. Hello, I'm here for a free savings review.
~Tappity~, er, no you're not. Computer says no. The nice lady phones round the other branches of the bank, and it turns out I'm supposed to be in one on the other side of town. That I never use. Ok...

Arrived at the correct branch. Hello the people who have my money! Come this way... I'll just print out what savings you have with us, and then we can discuss things. ~Printy Printy~

OMFG! You have money! Er, excuse me one moment!

She returns shortly with an older woman... Hello, my colleague tells me you have more than a shilling in accounts with us.... Do you really need all that money instantly available, or would you like to book an appointment for a free investments review?

So I'm going back next week for them to try and sell me other things instead.

It's very amusing watching them trying to link up the scruffy individual with the money in the accounts.

What do I do for a living?
Evilbay seller. I sell things on evilbay!
What sort of things?
Oh, stuff....
You must be very good at it?
No, not really.....

The thing they're missing, and are trying to work out is I'm not like normal people.
True, I have enough money saved to purchase a small house. But it's not because I make lots of money. In fact I earn less than half of the 'average' wage.

Anyone could be the same. Just modify your lifestyle to that of the 40 year old virgin living in your parent's basement. Don't borrow money, don't spend what you can't afford. Stay away from blonde bloggers with good sob stories. Don't 'lend' money to your Idiot sister.

Voila! You too will have money. And will also prolly be miserable most of the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lazy blog: double feature!
You can tell how old someone is by asking them which is the definitive version of this song:

The beatles?


Or flying lizards?


(I'm firmly with the lizards btw).
Anyone who goes for the Josie & the pussycats version should be killed.

Sugar mice

in teh rain:


Yes, lazy blog day again.

I'm not 100% sure, but I'm fairly certain marillion is something you either like a lot, or are blah! about.

I think I fall into blah. I really like this one.... and I suppose Kayleigh is ok in an on every 80's compilation album filler kind of way... but other than those I couldn't name another song. Sorry Fish....

Wild horses

Lazy blogging day again. How time flies!

I bring to you:
The Sundays - Wild Horses



This is of course a cover of Teh Rolling Stones.

As used in Buffy the vampire slayer, episode 3:20. Sod off Angel....

My least favourite cover of this song is the Susan Boyle one. It's pants.

Er, that's all I can think of. Sleep now.

Say hello, wave goodbye

I was reading some blurb on the bbc news website about http://www.rentafriend.com/

Hmmmm. Join the website, and you can then pay people to be friends with you. Sounds awful. But at the same time is attractive when you're a gimp like me who has spare money and a lack of (real life) friends. Meet new people, do exciting new things.

Of course I won't join it, as it would be too dangerous. In a way I imagine it's like drugs or prostitution, I can see that if I got involved it could easily spiral out of control and ruin my life. Friends that want to do whatever you would like, when you like, where you like. It's big and scary when you're used to "friends" that want their pc fixed and then you don't hear from for weeks until next time you're useful.

Lazy blogging time. Yet another one I've not heard for ages, but appeared on the radio. Wednesday night is 80's night, and they play some classic stuff.

I bring to you:
Soft Cell - Say hello, wave goodbye.



I never knew you, you never knew me... say hello, wave goodbye. Electric spine tingling stuff. Unless you're a jellyfish.

Self control

Ok, who stole this week?

I've been chasing trying to catch up with work, not made it and now another week's gone as well. Urgh.

Oh well. Onto the lazy blogging.
I bring to you:
Laura Branigan - Self Control



Poor dead Laura Branigan. Brain aneurysm trivia fans. Not very rock n roll, but a death I'd go for as long as I was one of the lucky ones who gets no symptoms other than suddenly being very deado. I wouldn't be that lucky though.

Er, moving on from death.... I've always been a big fan of this track. The video is pants (phantom of the opera...? Que?), but it's a 7 inch I could (and did) play again n again. 1984.. a very good vintage year.

Here I go again

I's not done the blog thing this week. Nothing remotely exciting happening.

But Thursday will be fun. Last chance to see metropolis. I've been 50% putting it off 'cos I'm scared and 50% 'cos the annoying work has got in the way. But I'm going to do it, I'm resolved, so sure that counts for something? Maybe a little? 1/2 a point?

Anyway, on with the lazy blogging:

Whitesnake - here I go again.


I'm sure you'll agree, one of the finer big hair moments of the 80's... If I had big hair, and could actually play guitar I'd want to be one of these guys. Get off my jag though luv!

Waste

of a week. Mostly thanks to Idiot Girl.

Monday was lost to the whole 'no water in car' incident.

Tuesday she can't possibly have the car looked at 'cos she's so busy at work, and can't take my car on Tuesday. She must make a good impression at work 'cos they're 'downsizing' and she doesn't want to be the one to take a bullet in 'Nam. That would be why she turns up here at 3:30 pm.
Er, what happened to the working hard, big meeting thing?
"I told them to F*** off."
Nice. Well done IG. They're sure to decide you're essential staff.

Wednesday IG graciously decides she can do without her (potential grenade) car for 1.5 hours, so I can get up 4 hours early and take it to the garage, but must return it before it turns into a pumpkin. Garage can't find the fault in the time available.

So now I'm a) tired, and b) behind on my own work. Fortunately I can slightly change my plans, and put my goals on hold.
Cinema trip can be postponed as said film has gained an extra weeks run. Otherwise it would have been a choice between the job & improving teh mentals, and job would have won.

Lazy blogging time:
Strawberry Switchblade - Jolene


Null points for knowing who this is a cover of.

They are of course perhaps better known for "since yesterday". But I like this one, so am inflicting it on you.

If you're really bored find the 12" of "since yesterday". It's very funky.

Tubetastic Thursday: Chance

Thursday already. For some reason Thursday is always the day idiots crawl out of the woodwork.

Sold: Ball for land rover defender.
Me: What colour would you like?
Them: It's for a land cruiser.
Me: Argh! Fx: Brain explodes.

The word land is in both items. That's the only thing in common. And of course because I don't know what spec the land cruiser is, and they don't either, it must be my fault. Never their fault.

Also been Idiot Girl'd. Idiot Girl hears a noise... and instantly identifies it's a rat in her loft. I am commanded to go and check for presence of said rat. No... no to 10 decimal places. I have better ways to waste my time than look for imaginary noises.
Put a trap there IG.. if it goes bang! you had a rat. (This does not apply if simultaneously your fingers are hurting). If it does nothing then you made it up yet again.

I'm still planning my assault on precinct 9 visit to the cinema. Is it cheating to calculate when it's most likely to have less people there and go then?

I bring to you:
Big country - chance


I heard this on the radio earlier, and had totally forgotten about it up 'till then. In fact I had to use the magic phone song identifying thing to find out what it was.

It's been stuck in my head since, so it's only fair that I share the earworm.

POIDH

Just remembered, I owe you a POIDH.

So here's Idiot Girl with the offending kite. Note the special out of control holding technique. Note the pointyness of the kite. Note proximity of IG to my good self.



Kersplat over with.....

IG has been making life difficult today as well. IG's house insurance is due. Ok IG.. go and join quidco, buy insurance via the link on their website and get cash back. Kerching, money saved!

Simples, no?

No. Ma Ma returns from IG's house, and is all shouty at me. Mumbling something about a code, and has IG got a discount or not? Tried to explain calmly that if she's followed the uber simple instructions then yes she has... if she hasn't then no she won't. Did she follow the instructions?

Apparently I'm not helping. Oh, excuse me while I rewind time so I can supervise her doing what any 3 year old would be capable of.

And relax.

Thursday already?
I bring to you:
Justin Hayward - forever autumn.



This be of course from war of the worlds.

I used to ( and still do) absolutely love the album, and could spend days listening to it. One of the big downsides of going to cd's is the booklet you got with the LP's looks very poor when shrunk to cd case size. Hmm, showing my age there.

IG hates war of the worlds, so it's always on my usb stick just in case she's in my car.

Forever autumn has been stuck in my head all day, as a) it's turning into autumn fast with leaves falling, and b) that blogger who I said I wouldn't allow to make me sad any more is doing. I so need to go out and find real world friends. Maybe next year...

Tubetastic Thursday: Maria Magdalena

Thursday....

I bring to you:
Sandra - (I'll never be) Maria Magdalena



This made a remarkably poor #91 on the UK charts back in 1985. Which is rather surprising considering it's success in Europe.

It contains one of the essential 80's instruments, the guitar styleee keyboard. Whatever happened to them? Did keyboard players one day wake up and realise they're never going to be cool, and they should be happy to be stood at the back, and get the occasional closeup of them tinkling the ivories?

If you're thinking I can place the voice, but not the face, Sandra was at one point mrs. Cretu. In case you're still thinking eh???, think "Enigma".

I doubt I'll ever be Maria Magdalena either. But I can dream....

*************

In unrelated, wish me luck, for on the morrow I depart with Ma Ma, Idiot Girl & Sasha le dog for Scarborough. Excitement, adventure, and random shouting when IG doesn't get her own way are sure to follow.

Tubetastic Thursday: Voyage Voyage

Urgh.... The day job gets to me sometimes.

I have an idiot who has bought an item that is custom made to their specifications. Problem #1.. they can't be bothered to tell me their specifications. So I've been emailing them every freaking day for a week.. no reply.

Until today. Message from idiot... I don't have my item! rant rave! As usual it's my fault that I can't remotely read their tiny little mind. And no, I still don't know what they want. It will prolly take them making several threats & more complaints before I get it thru their thick heads that they are the source of the hold up.

And of course there's the usual round of "I've bought 2 items, give me a discount!". No.... 2 items is not a trade / bulk / wholesale / discountable amount.

And relax.....

Lazy blogging time. I bring to you:
Desireless - voyage voyage.



The astute will have noticed that this is in fact in French. It made #5 here in the UK. Bizarrely the same year Vanessa Paradis also did well with "Joe le taxi". French pop songs where in, for five whole minutes.

At the time I was in skool. And le teacher had the bright idea of livening up yet another dull french class by having us all attempt to write our own french pop songs. It was awful. I can't remember much else, as my brain has blocked it out for my own protection. There's a big sign that says "Awful. Ask not!"

I got a grade C in French GCSE. Technically this classes as a win, and not a thicky gimp. I got a grade D in English, which is full of fail.

Shame I can't remember much about the rules of either language now. And the Spanish I did for 2 years has faded even more.
Not that it would have done much good, as all it prepared you for was the ability to get a return train ticket to La Rochelle, purchase a croque monsieur, shout ZUT! if you burned your fingers and then bugger off home.

Tubetastic Thursday: All by myself

Thursday. Yes it is.

I bring to you:
Eric Carmen - All by myself



Please note this is not (for a change) me being whiny boo hoo I'm all alone in the big evil world. The radio played the first 10 seconds of this earlier and then went to the news. So I just had to look it up. I reserve the right to be whiny later, but currently am planning on retreating into my own little world where real life is not required.

Observations.

This is 1976. And yet another industrial accident in the glue factory. Eric was kind enough to do a benefit gig for all the poor workers with their feet glued to the floor. I feel extra sorry for the poor immobile girl glued to the stage behind him.

Top of the pops hired at great expense an invisible drummer for this performance.

Bits of this are of course stolen from a classical piece. Cleverer ones than myself won't have to look on wikipedia to name which one. Messr. Bowie also nicked bits from the same piece.

Eric Carmen was guilty of "hungry eyes" in the 80's. Which of course was massive because of the chick flick "dirty dancing".

Youtube is still cross promoting the "plenty of fish" dating site on every video I watch. I wish they'd go back to trying to sell me sand and cement like last week.

Tubetastic Thursday: I got 5 on it

I'm in pain because of a 'charity' bloodsucker.

Time: 7 am
Place: bed
Action: Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Suddenly there's a huge clang as someone slams the house gate violently. I awake with a huge start, and jar my shoulder. Who's slamming the hell out of my gate? Why?

Investigation reveals it's some idiot delivering yet another "please give us clothes for the starving millions" bag scams. We get a gajilion of these posted every week.

The scam is they're made to look like it's for charity, but if you read the small text you will notice there isn't a registered charity number at all. This is because these scumbags pretend to be charity, you give them clothes which they then sell for vast profits for themselves.

So now I have a painful shoulder. Boo.

Onto Tubetastic Thursday. I bring to you:
Luniz- I got 5 on it.



Normally I'm not very much into rap type stuff. But this is good. It's refreshing to not have every other word be about bitches, guns or the F word. Ok, it's drugs to the max, but you can't have everything.

Tubetastic Thursday: DDDBMT

Before I start with the lazy blogging day, a tale of Idiot Girl.

The other day Idiot Girl complained her printer was not printing her uber important document, and was smearing all the text. Have you tried cleaning it idiot girl? Of course, I'm not stupid.

So today I went to see what the problem was. Printed a test page, the colours are ok but black is awful. A bit like this keyboard.. it's full of crisps, biscuit fragments and other things I don't even want to think about. Hang on... so is the rest of the room... apart from the printer.

Kerching! That was the penny dropping for you too? Yes, Idiot Girl has cleaned the printer casing, not the print heads. One clean cycle later and it's back printing.

Onto Tubetastic Thursday.

I bring to you:
Dave Dee, dozy, beaky, mick and tich - The legend of xanadu



A 'friend' of mine bought me their greatest hits cd as an oh so funny birthday present. Sadly he'd underestimated just how much of a sick bunny I am when it comes to music, and I quite liked it.

Trivia:
Alternate universe rich Dave Lister in red dwarf calls his home Xanadu in reference to this song, and not the movie Citizen Kane.

Dave Dee is deado. I think the rest of them are still alive.

You can drive your neighbours insane by playing this followed by Olivia Newton-John's Xanadu over and over again. It's only fair after their children got recorders and only managed to go "parp parp parp" badly.

Bring me edelweiss

I'm an ebay powerseller. It's my job. This means I have to professionally deal with the stupid and rude on a daily basis.

Today's idiot wound me up though. I quoth:

(idiot) has sent a question about: Item not Received
Have you only just posted it today? I bought it on the 18th

Yes, it was posted to you today (Wednesday). That's why you got an email telling you "It's been posted today!"

The 18th was Sunday. Whilst the poor drones at the supermarket are working the post office, good old British institution that it is isn't. The listing says posted within 3 working days. Monday - 1, Tuesday - 2, Wednesday - 3..... Ask a grown up to help you if you're struggling with the counting.

The worst of it is, 4 morons like this in a 3 month period, and I lose my fee discount for not toadying around twunts enough.

AND RELAX.

As it's Thursday now, I bring to you:
Edelweiss - Bring me edelweiss



Now you may be thinking that's familiar???? Or you may not.

Of course this is more than a soupcon rip off of Abba's SOS. But it's supposed to be, for 'tis a song created by following the rules in the KLF's manual.

Take the L

Frankly, it's not good news at chez C'riz.

Got an email from the seller of my rather expensive lathe. It is, he claims, unfixable. So I can have my money back, or wait five weeks while the slow boat from China brings more of them that hopefully do work.

This is not good, as if I take the cash I've still spent about £250 on other things for it that would then be useless. But if I wait I could get another lemon. It's a hard choice, but I've gone for wait. Better the devil I know and all that.

Sadness is felt, as a certain Miss. M continues to confuse and confound me. If I had half a brain I would move on and do something else and forget she ever existed. Oh look, flying porcines.

I have also bought a large quantity of plastic ducks. Which I know will sell over time, and was at 25% off normal price. Still feels rather scary spending £500 on toys though.

Enough about my boring life. You're (maybe) here for tubetastic Thursday.

I bring to you:
The motels - Take the L




It's true you know, take the L out of Lover and you do indeed get Over. Maybe they could have had a verse that goes "Add a C and it's clover"? Can you think of any more?

Youtard must also be psychic as well, as miserable alone me gets the in video advert that says "Have you signed up for plenty of fish yet?" No. I don't do dating sites thankyuovurrymuchC'rizhasleftthebuilding.

Wind of change

Well, that was a fun week. Lie mode cancel...

Last week I went and brought home my rather expensive new toy. I would have blogged about it, apart from one problem, namely it's bloody useless. The more I played with it, the more problems became obvious.

So tomorrow the man who sold it me is coming to take it away again, and allegedly fix everything that is wrong with it. I'm not holding out much hope. He is of the type when it comes to pooters he's looking for the any key. I on the other hand, happen to have a very logical mind, and a degree in pooters & engineering jiggery pokery. I don't know exactly what's wrong with it, but I do know it isn't what he thinks it is.

Quite what happens next I'm not sure. I suspect he'll randomly swap bits and then tell me it's fixed even if it isn't. I think most normal people would be getting annoyed, but I don't do that sort of thing. Depressed, yes, shouty angry, no.

Anyways, I wanted to share an earworm with you. I was driving to asda, and this came on the radio. I've not heard it for ages, and spent most of the time in asda signing (badly) to myself. As it was late night, and there is only the shelf stacking people and a few customers I'm sure I was even more obviously a loon than normal. But c'est la vie.

I bring to you:
Scorpions - wind of change



Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change

If your tingly bits aren't tingling by now, then you're dead. Or never bought an 80's soft rock album.

Tubetastic Thursday - lost in the 50's tonight

To celebrate this spurt of blogging, I'm bringing back the youtube lazy crutch.

I bring to you:
Ronnie Milsap - Lost in the 50's tonight



Ok, so it's a stolen rework of the five satins - in the still of the night, but I still like it.

Tubetastic Thursday: London Calling

Well now I've done it. The post today brings me a shiny train ticket. Which says in big letters "not refundable", so looks like I'm going to have to go through with my plans.

I'm scared, and excited. But mostly scared.
To normal people it's probably quite simple.

Train to that there Londinium.
Tube to teh Misty house. Hello Misty, how are you today?
Fun, fun, fun! Sun sun sun.

To me it's all very terrifying. But I must do it if I am to beat the mental gremlins. I want to, but it's coming closer to the cliff edge than is perhaps safe.

To add to the terror, there is an element of fancy dress. I was mentally scarred as a child when the parents decided to enter me in some sort of competition, dressed as a post box. A post box made out of red paper that turned me red when it rained. I've not done fancy dress since, so this could get interesting.

Still, nearly two months left to get my sh*t together.

Anyways, as I be going to Londinium, I bring to you:
The clash - London calling


This is, of course, from before my time, as I'm only a young 'un. But I can still recognise a classic when I hear it.

Tubetastic Thursday: Common people

It's Thursday. I'm feeling both nostalgic, and insane.

So I bring to you:
The Shat - common people



Nostalgic 'cos back when I was somebody at uni this was the sound. You couldn't go anywhere without hearing pulp's different class cd. Jarvis is also of course to blame for dancing like I was on fire, and on being told you look a total gimp the excuse is I was doing the Jarvis.

Insane, well obviously cos this is the Shatner cover version. I've got to give 10 bonus points to whoever made the video for turning it into a slashup. Lock up your daughters, it's pon farr time...