Idiot Update

I am officially poorer. And have had a nightmare morning.

Went to the bank. "we're closed, try our other branch". Went to bank #2.

Hello, I would like to make an instant transfer of lots of money from this account here...
Sorry, no can do, that's a savings account.
Ok, what about this business account here?
We cannot do that in branch, phone our helpline. Phoned them, yes we can do it, we will post you out the forms. Er, hardly an instant transfer if it's by post is it? That's the policy sir, bugger off.

Helpful lady in branch asks if it's ok. No, it isn't ok. I have lots of my money in your bank, and I can't spend it.

I then had an idea. Er, can I open an account that I am allowed to spend my money out of, so you can put my money in it, and then I'll instant transfer it out? Bev (for we are on first name terms by now) thinks it's a plan that may just work.

We open a new account. I'm missing out the bits where they ask everything including your shoe size, but I pass the credit check to open an account.

Ok, will just transfer the money out now. Success? Oh, no. Have to follow procedure... computer asks do I have the cash card for the account? Er, no, 'cos we only created it 5 minutes ago. Computer says no.

Bev phones helpline who spend about 40 minutes checking my dna, passport authenticity, etc etc before finally saying yes!

I nearly broke down and cried, and it's not even for me. I am officially 14K poorer and Idiot Girl now doesn't own a house.

So we phoned IG to tell her the news (this has taken about 2 hours by now). IG's idea of thanks is to snarl FINALLY! and slam the phone down.

Went to the shops, followed by a return to the bank to give Bev flowers.

Job done, just IG & car to sort out now, and I can get back to a peaceful life.